this post has been kicking around inside of me for awhile. this post and many others actually. i will just pace myself and put it down in due time.
recent events have prompted me to pour this one out. as i seek to come to a place of healing and understanding, i realize that all i want in the end is love, peace, to be a blessing to others, protection, and the freedom to be...
i don't want to be a man. i don't want to carry the weight of men, women, and children on my shoulders by myself. i don't want to be disrespected at home and outside of my home. disrespect does not feel "better" when it is coming from a black person; nor is it their right as a black person to heap it on me. i have noticed that an alarming number of black men feel that they can do certain things to black women that "others" have no right to do. in fact, i have even been told this outright long before the basketball playing/coaching Thomas clown spewed this nonsense for the whole world to hear.
i have oftentimes conversed with brothers that date out and heard how much "easier" it is to "deal" with white, asian, hispanic, persian, armenian, and other women. of course, there never is consideration given as to why this might be the case. these brothers usually make these women out to be superior and us sisters inferior, deficient, lacking, and unworthy of love.
i have an acquaintance that engages in this practice regularly. his woman is from the philipines. i must confess poking holes in his arguments have been...a sport. i am retiring from the game though. no one wins. especially not me. our conversations make me sad to my soul because i know he is not alone in his sentiments about black women.
when i point out that he is going through the same thing he did when he dated sisters, that he seems to have lowered his standards (which he admits because "black women are queens" and therefore the standard must be higher for us not for the women he is bypassing us to get to???), and why is it ok for her to have so many children? there is always silence and then we don't speak for awhile.
it is true though. somehow the same thing just feels better it seems when it is coming from someone that doesn't look like him? i guess. honestly, i can't devote too much energy to trying to figure it out anymore, it doesn't serve me in the long run so why bother? nor will i be used to provide too much sister comfort i have decided.
of course, i do see that this approach is used to justify choices. in truth, i find it hurtful on some level and wish there was a way i could plug the ears of every sister so she wouldn't hear it and feel as if there was something wrong with her. after all black women are consistently bombarded with messages of our need to change something about who we naturally are.
@ the end of the day, i want to live well and i want my mothers, sisters, and daughters to do the same. period.
most recently i came to the conclusion that black men don't belong to black women. this truth in and of itself was virtually impossible for me to accept for some time. in fact, i firmly believed that it was deliberate that men and women of all colors were created; if God wanted everyone to be beige, he could have just created that! i was in fact, indignant in my belief. lol!
i no longer believe that it matters what color love comes in for black women and girls. in the face of the open hatred, disregard, disrespect, record violence and contempt quite a few black men hold for black women---especially for those of us that you cannot see white or other in our hair and features---holding onto that belief will only bring us loneliness and grief. in fact, as i follow the stories that don't make the news, holding onto the notion that love has to be in black skin will get you...killed.
this folly definitely won't work, it seems, in my quest to secure a happy, healthy, whole life; in addition to helping other black women and girls find the same. so i am done with it. i urge my sisters to be done as well. quickly.
black women do not belong to black men. as options are exercised by black men to do what they feel is in their best interests---black women must do the same. we must do this in love, politics, economics, etc. we have these same options available to us; oftentimes, moreso, as quiet as it is kept. we simply must begin to explore them without asking permission or allowing others to stop us with fear tactics. it seems to me that as we function as mothers and fathers in our "community", that we run the risk of being sexed and disrespected from everywhere and by everyone. loving, accepting, and respecting ourselves will shield us. we can protect ourselves by practicing these qualities as we give ourselves the freedom to be...women...loved...provided for...and protected. we must give love and show support for only those that love and support us.
it seems only black women are expected to change ourselves into perfect beings before we can have these things. all other women on the planet are allowed to be flawed human beings and still have love, protection, and provision. i reject this notion that i am not worthy of the same for my journey and i urge my other sisters to do the same, immediately, for their sakes. do not be surprised when you must resist other women that will have you believe that this is how it was meant to be for black women.
in reading i came across an interesting essay by Aimee @ Black Girls Rule! called Reinterpreting Wesley Snipes . this sister takes the post that has been kicking around in me for awhile now and puts it down very well. she has done the work of expressing what i am sure many of my sisters are beginning to feel, strongly, so i will give her props and say well said! my sentiments exactly!
check it out. what do you think? share your thoughts if you feel compelled they are always welcome.
SELF LOVE~ SELF ACCEPTANCE~ SELF RESPECT