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Sunday, August 17, 2008

tell the truth and shame the devil...




...so...it has been a minute since i last wrote anything.

i have been in a season of transition. in that time i have lurked in the blogosphere, as time permits, and read and read and read. ok, i have commented as well when i could not resist the urge:-)

i sat down to write a post that would honor my commitment to be tagged cooperatively. Truth, i promise i will be cooperative real soon!

however, right now i feel led to go in a different direction.

in reading today, i came across an essay that really resonated with me. i have come to a place where i can hear the truth and appreciate it from where ever it might come. i feel no shame in admitting that there was a time when such was not the case.

there is a blog that i visit whenever i have the time. i have learned to watch how the messages flow and unfold. i have learned the hard way that too hastily embracing folks will leave me needing to severe ties when bloggers demonstrate that playing way out in left field, at black women and girls' expense, is the regular practice...

this blogger, however, has been pretty consistent in telling the truth despite all the rules and conditioning that he must cast off in order to do it. i appreciate and respect him as a result.

in all reality, i still, at times, struggle with the conditioning that mandates that i stand and fight on behalf of black men. black women are trained and conditioned to love and protect black men. black men are trained to love and protect...black men. see the problem?

my reciprocity clause has caused me to consciously work through the impulse to protect black men. especially, when quite a few black men will not make a peep as sisters are being attacked from all directions. any noise made is to add to the assaults. right now, these same black men are still deciding if they want to get serious about standing up and asserting themselves on behalf of black women and children. i would say they were waiting for a sign from God, but then there have already been many. there is instead a collective refusal to say or do anything against other black men that would make them accountable and responsible for their misbehavior.

in the interest of balance, i am sick sick sick of black women that work diligently to maintain the exploitation and degradation of black women and girls. putting these females on blast whenever possible does not trouble me in the least. i am acutely aware that men get not only their names but their games from their mothers. fathers are typically too busy doing other things. all colors. even the good ones. there are women working diligently against the best interests of black women and girls. i consider these women the enemy and will work diligently to neutralize them or take them out. please know title, religion nor age matter to me. the truth is the truth and if you are on the wrong side of it...

my wake up call has been impossible to snooze through.

my commitment to black women and girls disallows me to wake up and quietly allow my sisters to snooze to their total and complete detriment/destruction.

this blogger put into words the realization that has been impossible for me to fight against as a conscious black woman. here is an excerpt:

"Considering the high rate of murder, incarceration, and inter-racial dating among black men, and the overwhelming loyalty of black women, for every single black man walking the streets, he has a veritable harem of black women who are willing to give there bodies to him and even go so far as to take care of him. From a man's point of view, what more could any man ask for in life? This situation suits black men just fine. But, what if men of other races start to take women away from their loyal harem? All of a sudden life doesn't seem so peachy. So it's my belief that black men don't even believe most of their own complaints about black women, they just do so as a deterrent to other men who might be considering "stealing from their harem"."

sisters, read the rest of his thoughts at Other Women Don't Suck. i don't particularly like the title of his blog, however, it is his blog. furthermore, his message is spot on consistently.

allow me to say this a different way...

...those that we fight relentlessly to protect, have no real interest(s) in making our lives better. our suffering enhances their quest to feel/be/live as men.

sisters, help ain't coming! if you want to be free you will need to seize it. immediately exercise your options and create the lives you want. where there is no reciprocity, there is no place for you---flee! period. tell the truth and shame the devil---my personal choice.

questions? comments? feel free to share...



SELF LOVE~ SELF ACCEPTANCE~ SELF RESPECT

81 comments:

Anonymiss said...

That piece resonated with me as well.

I'd have to say that 90% of what he said is accurate considering my experience and observations.

When I become a parent, I hope to do a good job of not brainwashing my kids into being black male-oriented.

Ensayn1 said...

"...those that we fight relentlessly to protect, have no real interest(s) in making our lives better. our suffering enhances their quest to feel/be/live as men."

Is this really the world that we are living? Are there really NO men living without any interest in making our women's lives better? I know that are many many men that don't make women's lives better on so many levels, I know this on so many levels. And yet, are there no men that do seek to work to inmprove the lives of their women? If this is true, we are really at a no hope situation and should no further seek to try and heal the Black collective. As I know when the Black male and female are no longer able to heal themselves its a waste to try and heal the collective???

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

welcome back SCHOLAR

Stealthkitty said...

Hello Focusedpurpose. Wonderful wonderful - as usual. I gain so much insight knowledge and strength from reading this blog. God Bless you. All I can say is...Amen. I have recently come to the same conclusions as you and the other blogger. I went out of my way to encourage and support a black man only to have him turn right around and publically declare his friendship and devotion to other parties who never said or did anything to try to help him. In fact, this party and others actively encouraged his participation in an activity that would have proved lethal if not checked in time. Myself and other sisters encouraged him to quit and offered advice on how to advance in a way that allows him to retain his dignity in his career and as a person. I went through considerable time and expense to show my support; all of which was simply ignored. Ain't that the way though...

focusedpurpose said...

Anonymiss-

welcome back sis. i have to say that i agree with 100% of what the blogger had to say.

when he first starting blogging i told him that he was on to something, and then i sat back to see if he would add some it to the mix. he has to date, not.

i have said for anyone that would be able to hear me and not attribute my comments to jealousy (because yes, when i am forty i want to look seventy---ok that was mean, it was also real; work with me:-) that while black men moan and cry about racism and white supremacy, they have yet to try to understand that white woman supremacy is a real #@! to deal with on the regular.

rather than try to listen and understand, instead, i have heard knotheads attribute white women's notions that ALL men want them more than any other woman on the planet to black women. ???!!! try no, that would be t.v. the media, and the relentless pursuit of them by an awful lot of black men. quite a few other women think that by virtue of being non black (while they imitate us relentlessly and a sad many of us them) they are somehow superior. of course, i do understand to blame others for all things--- which brings us back to personal responsibility and accountability. funny how that keeps coming up.

good job on your resolve. teach your babies the truth. revolution is born in the hearts of children; for this reason the devil is steadfastly ripping our children's hearts out, while we bicker and function completely outside of divine order; while simultaneously acting like we can't figure out the simplest things. clues are harder to miss than they are to find. really.

thanks for stopping in. you are welcome anytime.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
focusedpurpose said...

hi there Ensayn-

welcome back and i am happy you stopped in to visit:-)

you asked:

"Is this really the world that we are living?"

in a word...

...YES!

this truth has caused me great sorrow. i have chosen to exercise wisdom and to stop fighting the truth. at the end of the day, i love the truth and will embrace it even when to do so causes me discomfort. i strongly urge others (men and women) to do the same. fast!

at no time did i say that there were NO men interested to improve the lives of our women. i believe you to be one of them.

i also believe those that choose to serve the devil have also successfully devised many ways of silencing and neutralizing many other decent men; which is why i say often, "the righteous shall be as bold as lions". right now it is backwards, the evildoers are bold as all get out, while the righteous behave as if their Lord is subject to the demons. WT???!!! it was not always this way. i will not accept this "new" way, quietly.

these silenced and neutralized decent men were the ones i was referring to when i indicated they were still "thinking" about doing something before american blacks experience what we see in the congo and other places. black males are being used to take themselves and their future generations...out. how's that for new age slavery? black women are back on the auction block, only now black men are the auctioneers and they are more relentless, hurtful, dehumanizing, and soul wounding than any white man could ever know to be. don't shoot the messenger. i don't like the message either, it is just...true. look. see.

it is interesting to note that a great many black men have not yet realized that to degrade/disrespect black women is to degrade/disrespect themselves. go figure.

many black women have spent so much time, hurt, trying to work a little harder to please these black men that many have not been able to see how this current sad state of affairs can be turned to our good. it hit me awhile back, yet i was determined to keep on keeping on in the interest of...uh...solidarity. no.more.i.have.had.enough. i am in it to win it as well as to help as many of my sisters as will listen to do the same. i urge them to take off the head of any devil (male or female) that would stand in the way of them and their blessings on this planet, in this life. despite all the bad press, black women have yet to learn to be ruthless. white and other women, not so much. life is too short. i am not sorry.

men, provide for and protect their women and children; understanding that to do so insures THEIR survival. undisciplined losers, like the moors, vanish from the planet. when more black men get this and DEMONSTRATE that they have gotten it, i will happily adjust my thinking. right now there is a mess and more black men than not are willing to exploit the mess to the total detriment of black women and children. i, my friend, do not suffer from a martyr complex. if more black men don't actively care and demonstrate that they are the norm rather than the exception, i can't afford to. i am a nurturer. i choose to nurture only that which i would like to see live. the rest can die. period.

furthermore, these decent men are consistently shut down and reduced to excuse making enablers by their misguided notions of solidarity. in the same way that more black women than i would care to ever see, VOLUNTEER and WORK DILIGENTLY to ensure that the suffering of black women and girls continue.

decent black men are called p#@@ies, whipped, and a bunch of other things if not outright attacked for standing on decency and principle. since we have "overcome" our african communal mentalities and history, we now live in a hostile, every man, woman, and child for themselves, depraved lack of black culture. i wish it were different. it is not. i deal with things for how they are, now how i would like them to be.

i do not think we are without hope. i think black women need to have hope that more black men will stand up and behave as men without making a mouthful of excuses as to why they can't. i think black women should have every hope that more black men will give a whit either way about black women and children. i think that black women should have hope that more black men will understand that love is an action and that it disallows for disrespect and a lack of reciprocity. i think that black women need to have hope that black men will begin to hold themselves, collectively, accountable for something. anything. i also believe that black women can have this hope while simultaneously enjoying happiness, partnership, provision, protection, reciprocity, respect, love and joy in this life. if this is not to be had with a black man, while they have hope...oh well...we will also be hopeful that someday that will all change.

i for one will continue to raise my son to choose to be the change and to address injustice courageously when it happens on his watch without respect for who is doing it---truth is never met with public approval. one can only die once, might as well go out like a man.

at that end of the day, i keep in my mind always, that life is about choices and that the ultimate choice will be his to make.

i hope that helps to clarify my position, and answers your poignant questions.

Ensayn, i respond in a spirit of love, truth, and respect. i pray you receive my words in the spirit in which they were written.

you are welcome any time.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

i said:

"...now how i would like them to be"

i meant:

not how i would...

i am a little tired now and i have clients in a different time zone. i will come back so that i can properly welcome my newest visitor and greet those kind enough to come time and again:-)

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

PioneerValleyWoman said...

Glad to see you back, Focused Purpose!

I've been thinking of what you were saying from one of your earlier posts, and I'm glad to see that you have come back to it.

I have found the phenonemon you are describing so disturbing here, but even more so is the "do as I say, not as I do" you described in the previous post.

Black men looking out for themselves, but when black women look out for themselves, they will sabotage.

Black men who date and marry white women will call out the black women who dates and marries white men, with relatives sabotaging what might very well be good relationships.

So not only is it a matter of refusing to inculcate our daughters to sacrifice themselves for black men, it is important not to let it happen in the houshold, especially if it is a household of boys and girls.

Don't let daughters sacrifice for their brothers if the brothers are not required to sacrifice for their sisters.

Don't treat sons like they are grown men and "little gods" whose sisters must please and obey them unquestionably.

If men have the right to autonomy, so do women. This is the message we must teach daughters and sons.

focusedpurpose said...

hi T-

thanks for the welcome. i am happy to be back!

i know you know what i am talking about, living in the atl and all...

blessings,
focusedpurpoose

Ensayn1 said...

FP, thanks for the response and I took it in the spirit in which you gave it. I suppose, I felt so much dispair when I read your post but, never did I doubt the truth in it since I have seen what you are talking about with my own eyes and in my own experiences.

Of course I will be back, I couldn't wait for you to post again!!!

Bless up and Guidance!

focusedpurpose said...

welcome Stealthkitty-

sis, learn from each lesson, seize the nugget, and be committed to moving forward powerfully in love and forgiveness. it is by far one of the best gifts that you can give to yourself.

i can relate to your frustration, disappointment, and hurt. many sisters can. take the lessons, embrace the truth and move forward...powerfully.

true story:

i have an acquaintance that dates asian and other women, while proclaiming loud and long ala wesley snipes, that he LOVES black women. this he does while subtly and not so subtly bashing black women whenever an opportunity presents itself. we will have an exchange and he will go rest his nonsense for several months then he will come back around with the next chapter. i have also noticed that he tries to get what i call "sister comfort" from me. i have learned to instruct him to connect with his asian on that level since "people are just people". of course, this ticks him off. i confess, on some level that is why i do it:-)

he, and brothers like him, used to irk me to no end. one day i decided to change how i see things. i decided to stop engaging in conversations where i poked holes in his theories and wiped the floor with him, sweetly, appropriately, and most lady like. :-)!!! he would without fail forget to use his inside voice, you know the brothers that seem to believe that if you can SEE clearly, then you must NOT be able to HEAR? they crack me up as i practice putting distance between us.

at any rate, this brother decided somewhere along the way that he was "in love" with me. ??? his asian woman got wind of it and proceeded to call the numbers in his phone and question the women that answered until she called me. ???!!! as long as whoever is doing it, ain't black, i am always amazed with what brothers will put up with from non black women. this was not the first time miss lady had done this. brothers have abandoned their black women and children for less. it is truly amazing.

so, she called me and proceeded to try to interrogate me in a haughty tone rather than the pathetic "sucks to be me---please don't take my man" tone such a desperate call required. at first i was so put off by her, "i am better than you nonsense" that i directed her to talk to her man and suggested that she might not want to go through people's belongings, this was not the behavior of a secure, confident woman. when she decided to drop the i am better than you act, i felt sorry for her. while i know how to be ruthless, i prefer to show mercy since this is what i like to receive:-)

no sooner than we took off our boxing gloves did she begin to rip my acquaintance a new one. he wasn't a man, he was disloyal, he has an aversion to working, he was too much of an idiot to figure out a viable business plan for the project he was working on/had been working on for five years and seemed to mistake "support" for her doing it for him, etc. etc. etc. (uh, sound familiar?:-)

so, in a truly conditioned fashion, i proceeded to a.) take up for him and b.) give her insight that might be beneficial to her maintaining the relationship she was willing to stoop to levels that should have been beneath her to keep.

after i had been kind to her she reverted back to the "i am better than you" nonsense. ok, typical. she even asked if i were black, because i don't sound like a "normal" black girl, plus he doesn't really like black girls. i told her, good, after all she was calling me to get answers because she knew that she could not believe/trust/depend on him to tell her the truth. riiight, i envy that. riiiight. quite frankly, i would rather sisters not have to go through that anymore. i could hear the huh? as i hung up. lol!

btw, yes, he is a big ole cheater. she knows this; she should stop calling people and leave him.

when i next spoke to homecheese, he let me know that he had let her know that she should beware of what i might have had to say to her. you know, "she is a sister and sisters don't want to see brothers with other women". this clown. i had been taking up for him, while his little prized asian dogged him hard. yet he doesn't trust...me. all i could do was laugh. i lost the rest of my respect for him in that exchange and we no longer really speak.

i had an epiphany after that and many other like experiences. i will spare you the story of the ex that would go apesh@#! every time he was in close proximity to a white woman, any white woman, omg! she is white! it was truly a sad spectacle to behold.

at the end of the day, girl, free yourself!

my epiphany:

other women that find gross selfishness, an unwillingness/inability to protect nor provide, an inability to make things happen, a refusal to take responsibility for anything, a capacity to abandon their women and children in droves---while blaming others, unfaithfulness,arrogance and a disrespect of women that is appalling---traits that they can overlook---have at it! i urge sisters to loosen their grip on the trickbag. let becky, lola, and ming get some. (ok, i just cracked myself up!!!)

other men will have their own issues (as all men and women do) at least these men don't act like these qualities constitute "culture".

ok, i rambled on that one!:-)!!!

harsh? maybe. true? definitely, as far as i can see. in the interest of healing ourselves, we must stop trying to save black men. we must stop nurturing an environment where such selfish, irresponsibility thrives. we must save ourselves and only have children with men that understand that they should protect and provide for their women and children. if you find out over coffee that he doesn't subscribe to this notion...DON'T FINISH THE CUP...RUN!:-)

blessings to you sis. create the life you want. you have the power and responsibility to yourself.

know that you are welcome at anytime.

focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

hi PVW-

welcome back!

i have an appointment and a busy day ahead. i will come back when i can dialogue thoughtfully rather than in a rush.

thank you for your kind words and for your deep thinking...i appreciate you.

i will come back later. create a beautiful day---that's my plan!

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Khadija said...

FocusedPurpose,

Welcome back, sis! I've missed your voice.

I loved your tags for this post, "get it yet?," "reciprocity is king," and my favorite "the jig is up"!

About the other blogger's post---Clear-headed non-Black folks can see what Black people are collectively doing.

Over the years, I've had White male lawyers offer to be the White "front" face if I decided to go into private practice. They KNOW and have observed out loud that Black people generally don't patronize Black professionals (or any other type of Black business except for hair salons). Without using this exact phrase, they KNOW that most Black folks believe that "the White man's ice is colder."

The other blogger, code-name "Observant White Man," told the plain truth.

It's good that you stopped providing "sister comfort" for that Negro. I've noticed that a lot of these males want to be able to cry on sisters' shoulders and enjoy the comforts of our home culture while simultaneously insulting Black women. All Black women need to stop providing "sister comfort" to these men. Providing sister comfort enables these men to continue their anti-BW behavior IN COMFORT.

It was good that you referred him back to his Asians---let them meet his needs (if they choose to). In fact, I have a policy of referring this type of Black man back to Becky, Lupe, and Mei Ling for ALL of their needs.

If this type of Black man gets hit in the head by a White cop, I refer him back to Becky, etc. If he catches a court case, I refer him back to Becky, etc. If he has problems on his job, etc. I refer him back. If he wants to share a conversation with Black cultural references, I refer him back to Becky, etc.

Yep, Becky, Lupe and Mei Ling can have ALL of the Black males that want them! Every single one. These males are a liability to Black women & children. See Exhibit #1: The state of any & every Black residential area in this country. See Exhibit #2: The state of any & every Black child produced by these Black males. I rest my case.

A wise sister on another blog stated that anybody who doesn't want to see Black women & girls have joyous lives filled with love, marriage, and abundance is an ENEMY to be fought. I co-sign that sentiment. I don't care what excuse is given---false notions of solidarity, etc.

Anyone who loved Black women & girls would not want to see us continue to sink with the Titanic. The Titanic = the so-called Black community that is rapidly turning into a giant rape camp a la the Congo.

My sisters: The life you save will be your own (and that of your children) by jumping off of this sinking ship & swimming away as fast as you can! Save yourselves! Save your children! HELP IS NOT ON THE WAY.
_______________________________

Ensayn1,

I say this in love, and I'll be blunt: The approximately 2% of productive Black men like you have NO discernable impact whatsoever on life as it is lived in Black residential areas. This is because there are simply too few of you.

The "hope" that you spoke of that is possible in the current situation is this: To save as many lives as possbile by encouraging every sane Black woman and girl to evacuate the Titanic.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

focusedpurpose said...

hi PVW-

you are so right. mothers should teach their sons to be decent gentlemen starting with their sisters and the women folk in their families. such is not the case more times than not.

oftentimes mothers are holding their daughters to a really high unattainable standard, while writing passes all day for their sons. they then unleash these messes on the general public. of course, dad is typically off following his much worshipped overrated member around. ??? black men have finally overcome...sad...

i routinely challenge the mess i see. this in no ways make me popular. i don't care. i want to be free and take as many with me into freedom as will go.

thanks for stopping in sis. come back anytime.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

KHADIJA!!!

hi there my wise friend! first let me say, i was thrilled to read the piece that you wrote on the plight of muslim women. great job!

Khadija you crack me up. the way that you, with laser like precision hit the point, consistently, brings me pure unmitigated joy.

i predict that if black women will resist/reject the conditioning, the foster care system will soon be bursting at the seams with biracial babies not black ones. i know that seems mean, however, i see it clearly. let me explain a little further what i mean...

...so, a great many folks have bought into the notion that the problem with black men and women lie solely with black women. we are depicted as inferior, unloveable men-women. quite a few black men loudly, publicly co-sign the lie in keeping with the nothing is black men's responsibility theme.

other non black women believe this bull and swear to themselves that they are somehow "special".

i have watched as non black women have elected to partner with black men only to find themselves and their children abandoned as well. watching these women panic when they realize they are not "special" and that black men don't really care that much for them or their children either is sad and funny, too, depending on how disrespectful the non black woman has been. most black men love themselves. only. period.

for example, right now i know a non black woman that is scrambling to unload the “evidence” that she sexes black men. she wants to do something else now that she has had a taste of the abandoned gig. white women have done this for eons. they seem to practice this a little less now that they are able to relish openly rubbing these children in white men's faces.

when some white women finish slutting it up with black men and others, they want to coif up, pretend it never happened, and marry a white man and live comfortably ever after. the evidence, the biracial child that one can not lie away, makes this plan of action more difficult. i am watching other women, too, now scrambling to dump the evidence.

i agree with you, let non black women wear themselves out protecting, providing for, and “supporting” black men. it is only fitting.

more black men than will admit it are obsessed with the most pampered, selfish, manipulative woman on the planet---the white woman. i am practicing not laughing about this...out loud at least. it is funny, literally, when one decides to change the way they are looking at things. asset based thinking, i love it!

yes, i know ALL white women are not this way. the ones that are not are just…quiet. white woman supremacy doesn’t bother them enough to stand against it. how convenient. oh yes, white women like black men are NOT responsible for anything either.


i have said it before and i will say it again, this presidential race should really teach brothers a lot about the nature of their trophy becky. watch the beckies join together to support their head becky- hillary against poor testicle free o. in true colored man fashion, he will let her walk across his face in heels before he sets her straight. white woman worship reigns!!!

Khadija, i agree with you. please take these black men. please. all of them. i feel like a white man now. lol! i think this is why white women are portrayed to all as the epitome of desirability, femininity and beauty. WHITE MEN DON'T WANT THEM! ever planning and making things happen, white men have figured out the major hustle---unload these manipulative, whiny, self centered, entitled, disloyal, attention starved, power hungry, passive aggressive, needy, slutty w!#@hes on the dumb negroes; while white men make money hand over fist off of the hustle and help themselves to the best and the brightest of all women.

and because most black folks don't know what they think until white folks tell them, watch as black men go for the okey doke with such a speed that it will cause a sucking sound. genius, pure genius i tell you. i have said it before, one must give props where props are due.

other men do it as well; at least they are smart enough, and have enough self respect to not publicly denigrate their women in order to validate their choices. black men, not so much.

brothers do NOT pay attention. i used to talk my self hoarse trying to get them to see what is so clear. i am now done with that business. i would rather spend my time getting sisters to see the game and help them flip the script. this mess will really work for us if we stop with the mind twisting conditioning and black male protectionism immediately.

now, i have nothing for brothers that do not come correctly. a big fat goose egg. Khadija, at this point, i wouldn’t even waste time telling them to go get other women to help them figure it out. i.have.NOTHING.for.them. it is all about me and my sisters---we require my full attention and focus.

thanks for stopping in. i am so happy you did.

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

PioneerValleyWoman said...

FP:

oftentimes mothers are holding their daughters to a really high unattainable standard, while writing passes all day for their sons.

My reply:

And as adults then, black women tend to believe that black men are so vulnerable and incapable, they just can't help their shortcomings, or their shortcomings, if anything, are excusable.

They get free passes for their dysfunctionality and abuse of black women. They are so frustrated by life, but of course, black women experience no frustrations. And if they do experience frustration, well they just have to "deal with it."

No one wants to understand or cut them some slack, not black men, and not anyone else.

Khadija said...

FP,

Thanks for the props about the piece I wrote---it needed to be said.

You already know this, but let me mention this to the reading audience: I work in the court system.

The foster care system is ALREADY bubbling over with biracial babies & toddlers. They just spend a shorter amount of time in the system because infertile White couples quickly adopt them. Non-drug-addicted and sane White women are already dumping the evidence of their dalliances with Negroes.

The truth always comes out in the end.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Ensayn1 said...

FP & Khadija, I really take what you say in love and truth. I cannot express to you my dealings with one of these "male types", (because I don't see a man or could not refer to these beings as men so they are "male types") just recently on this short of a forum but, I will post about it soon on my blog.

Khadija said...

FP,

I've been pondering what you said earlier about White men having a plan to unload the weakest links among White women on foolish Black men. While these same White men help themselves to the best of the best of ALL races of women.

My God!!! You're right!!! I never thought about it this way. That's some deep strategic thinking. You are brilliant. Sis, thank you for breaking that down.

I agree with you that it's quite possible for Black women to turn this situation around to our advantage. We just have to wake up and stop concerning ourselves with what Black men think, say, want, or do. And focus on having our own needs met.

More blunt talk from me: Since most Black men are powerless in the global scheme of things, what's in it for us (and our children) to continue hitching our fate to them? Answer----More the of same: sorrow, suffering, and ultimately death.

I was willing to play the "solidarity game" earlier in life because I was under the delusion that Black men were struggling WITH us. The Dunbar Village Atrocity and its aftermath snatched these rose-petals off of my prescription glasses. I know better now.

I also know that once more Black women totally disconnect from the non-protective & non-providing majority of Black men, the quality of life will dramatically improve for Black women and children. As the quote says, at this point, Black women "have nothing to lose but our chains." And we have everything to gain by cutting these men loose.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Khadija said...

Ensayn1,

I hear you. I can't imagine how irritating it must be to be among the "Last Mohican" Black men, and interact with the non-protective & non-productive masses of males. {exasperated sigh}

As someone recently broke it down to me, those of us who have any sense need to be in survival mode. Black residential areas can also be compared to burning houses. It's too late to put out the flames. Our (mis)leadership has only toyed with and pantomimed actions that outwardly resemble firefighting. This is why the houses are engulfed in flames.

We also have many arsonists among our ranks. The type of Black males under discussion are one type of arsonist. Their Black female enablers are another category of arsonist.

We need to get as many of our non-arsonist people out of these burning houses asap. (Non-arsonist men & women---although I'm focusing on evacuating Black women & children. I'm leaving it to you & other men like you to evacuate the remaining sane Black men.)

Frankly, the arsonists can perish in their own fires as far as I'm concerned.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

TLW said...

Hi FP.

Recent events for myself has forced me to the same conclusions that you and many others have made and this does cause me great distress. But I just can't help but feel that we can turn the tide in this maybe it is my naive youth speaking but that is how I feel.

You just keep speaking the truth and remember

"If you are scared to speak the truth then you don't deserve freedom"

Malcolm X

Take care and stay strong my sister!!!

focusedpurpose said...

hi everyone-

i am on the fly so i will be brief. my internet has crashed in my home office. i am a little too busy to wait for the service man to come (who has all day?); please bear with me.

i am in the midst of learning so many new things. as soon as i am able to process it all, i will share.

Khadija, thanks for the compliment. i am not so much brilliant as observant. i must confess, i have been very hard headed as well, which has proven to be a painful waste of time. i rejoice knowing that pain makes man think, thought makes man wise, and wisdom makes life endurable. truly wisdom is better than silver and gold. at the end of the day when it is all said and done, the truth is the truth is the truth. the truth will not change, it is our minds that must. i got it now.

TLW, welcome back. just breathe through it and do your part, where you are, to be the change that you would like to see. really, that is all that any of us can do; understanding that we are either a part of the problem...or the solution. again, life is about choices. let's make our choices and go to work where we are.

Ensayn, i will continue my practice of popping into your house and seeing what's happening. i support you.

i will come back when i have more time to dialogue.

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

Ana said...

Focusedpurpose:
I am glad to hear from you again. I am here vacationing with the relatives in my homeland Panama.

God bless you and Khadija, always.(Mis bendiciones)

Saludos,
Ana

Anonymous said...

I agree with the assessment of all here. Some black men have become abominations - failure to assume their God given roles as provider and protector for the black woman and the black child leaving them vulnerable to violence and exploitation at the hands of those who seek to do them harm. I'm not sure that the solution to the black woman's problem lies with the white man. I mean, just look at the picture on the next post - of dear Laura Nelson swinging by her neck from that bridge - and remember who it was who put it there. No, white men and white women worked to together in the degradation and enslavement of black people. I don't know what the answer is - but I'm sure that its doesn't lie with white men.

Khadija said...

Anonymous at 2:26 p.m.:

Many Black men are now taking up where the White men who murdered Laura Nelson left off:

Dunbar Village Gang Rape
Hovey Street Murders
Alexis Goggins
Nailah Franklin

I could go on with the list...but you get the point.

The answer lies with Black women getting with WHOEVER will protect and provide for us & our children. ASAP. Whether it's the 2% of remaining Black knights (such as Ensayn or TLW), or non-Black men (including willing and able White men).
______________________

Ana!!!

I'm so glad to hear from you! May God also bless you! I'm still thinkin' 'bout Panama. Friends & I have discussed taking a future vacation there to get the lay of the land.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

focusedpurpose said...

hi Khadija-

you said:

"The foster care system is ALREADY bubbling over with biracial babies & toddlers. They just spend a shorter amount of time in the system because infertile White couples quickly adopt them. Non-drug-addicted and sane White women are already dumping the evidence of their dalliances with Negroes."

yes, i know that white women have done it for ages.

i did not know that the foster care system was packed already with biracial children.

i was addressing the trend that i am seeing clearly with lupe and mei ling now. these women are now dumping evidence as well. an acquaintance of mine has a biracial child that was dropped off for a few "hours" when he was six months old at her house. they have been waiting for lupe to return for several years now. the little boy is adorable. i feel really sad for him, though, this woman's house would not be a suitable place for my maltese to stay for any extended period of time in my opinion.

another true story:

i know a lupe that is feverishly trying to unload the biracial child that she got as a result of her involvement with a black male that was married to a sister at the time that she became pregnant. she knew full well that he was married and just didn't care. she thought she was special, and that she would fare better with the "impregnator" than sisters had. after all she is mexican, you know---special to black men. (an unnatural blonde mexican but that's a whole other oprah:-)

this female has had the gall to ask the black ex-wife if she will take the child. she has even asked the impregnator's mother if she will take the child. the excuse...she has no family that will take the baby.

when the impregnator's mother shared this with me, i almost fell over. ever consistently politically incorrect, i suggested that as a special mexican that maybe as she tried to get over on the dumb negroes that she might come up with a better reason. i know she has a whole lot of family, if nothing else. they just don't want the child. it is an embaressment to them and a hindrance to her. dumping him with black folks make perfect sense...we accept any ole thing as there is no self respect to prohibit such nonsense. we celebrate our bastardy, why not?

so, i am saying, watch as the biracial abandoned babies come in more than the black/white mix in much greater numbers. that was my point.

i have also witnessed the abandoned mei lings and their offspring. i am merely acknowleging the inevitable shift from overwhelmingly black foster care crisis to the black ish crisis that looms in the very near future. that's all. maybe then, someone will think to make black males accountable and responsible for their actions? maybe not, it will still be their mothers' faults, or white folks, or the weather, or the...

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija, sis you said:

"More blunt talk from me: Since most Black men are powerless in the global scheme of things, what's in it for us (and our children) to continue hitching our fate to them? Answer----More the of same: sorrow, suffering, and ultimately death."

so in making that comment, you hit a point that has been kicking around inside of me for awhile now. when i realized that we (black women) have the ingredients for lemonade in addition to sour lemons, i was too focused and committed to, uh, solidarity to stop and change courses; much less tell it. time is short and i can not afford to have misguided/misplaced loyalties.

your "blunt" talk is done so sweetly sis. i think this is why you are welcome places i get invited out of:-)! i just cracked myself up!!!

i have been told by folks that don't know each other that i am irrevent and at times negative. ok, label me whatever, that has nothing to do with my journey:-) i have also attmepted to make it abundantly clear that my God of my understanding and me constitute a majority. when i am instructed to speak, i will and if all i have to be worried about is folks getting ticked off with me...i have NO worries!

having said that, let me now say this:

when black women turn our heads around and put them back on straight affording ourselves non backwards thinking, when resist consistently our black male only indoctrination, we will not be able to help but to see that...

...there is absolutely NOTHING beneficial about limiting ourselves to black men only.

in the hierachy of men, black men are the botton, even in africa. the world is a plantation and white folks are the plantation owners. black men and therefore black people, have been completely dominated by white folks. look, see, there is no interest in changing this on the part of black men. why? they have been given non black women with which to entertain themselves, a few bigger scraps from the table of men (still no respect, seat nor plate), and are off doing their "thing". if the men don't care, the women can't afford to---BOLT!

those black men that have amassed any amount of wealth, still must tow the line and maintain their puckers, they never know when there is a powerful white behind that must be kissed. white women have achieved their goal of being like white men, so now there are just more behinds to kiss. and if they are not interested in having their wealth erased, they will dutifully kiss away.

show me anywhere one black man today that defies this unspoken rule? i have looked for him and have not been able to find him among the wealthy. i have located only a few among those struggling financially. they too, covet non black women so what is in it for me to support them as a black woman? when the answer is nothing, they get nothing from me.

i see clearly that quite a few black men have given up on the notion of being free human beings on this planet. they are all too content with the consolation prize, reject becky, and hold onto her for dear life for this is the closest they will ever come to being like the white man, with his guarantee of freedom in this life. white women that end up with black men are like, chitterlings, mistaken as a delicacy and in all reality...trash. white man rejects that make the black man the brunt of countless jokes.

another blogger asked, what about the lupes and mei lings, what are they? my response...the same. when they are done extracting resources and putting up with the nonsense necessary to successfully do so, these women generally end up hating black people in general and teach their children the same.

i am not advocating white man fever, i am merely saying that ANY quality non black man would provide a different energy and reality. other men do not pay the black tax and won't suffer the same ills as black men for obvious reasons. i think the key important piece is that other men, in much greater numbers understand the sanctity of marriage and fatherhood. deadbeats come in all colors no doubt, there just seems to be a greater number of black ones. among black men, non-deadbeats are the exception not the rule. among other men, deadbeats are the exception not the rule.

do not expect issue free men, puhleeze! that would be a set up. all people have issues! human beings are proof of God's sense of humor. so, we will still need to exercise caution and wisdom, since the media has a non stop advertisement of us for sex and exploitation. unfortunately, most people, all colors, believe if it is on t.v. or in the movies, by God it must be true.

as a part of that releasing backwards thinking, black women must give ourselves permission to be women and then command those around us to treat us as such. the definition of command as used here:

"to deserve and receive (respect, sympathy, attention, etc.): she commands much respect for her attitude."

choose happy. when folks tell me i look like my son's sister and what's the secret, i say, " i choose happy". i want that for all sisters. choose powerfully happy. we all possess the power of God within us. we are the givers of life. our backwards thinking has mandated that we give life to all but ourselves. enough!

when sisters stop trying to function as men and women---which is out of divine order---and focus on being the glorious women that we are, we will see clearly that the world is ours to explore and enjoy.

blessings Khadija,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

i hate typos!

"i have also attmepted"

i meant attempted.

"when resist consistently our black male only indoctrination"

i meant to say, when WE consistently...

focusedpurpose said...

welcome back Ana! it is good to hear your voice. enjoy your family, what a blessing, and i look forward to your next visit.

Anonymous-

welcome or welcome back:-)

at no time did i indicate that white men were the key or the answer. please hear my message. i am saying that there are quality men of all colors that are available to black women. there are in fact a lot of colors between black and white---i would never discount this human yumminess. i am merely urging other sisters to cease and desist with this practice as well.

again, my message to black women is to stop acting like the black race is our sole responsibility. it is not. our happiness...is.

i hope that clarifies my position.

thanks for stopping in, you are welcome anytime.

blessings to you.
focusedpurpose

Stealthkitty said...

Khadija: I don't think that you get my point - as long as there is this thing called "white supremecy", I don't see much of a future for black women with white men. As long as these white men sit on their hands and do nothing to dismantle this system that has strangled and dehumanized the peoples of the whole earth - I won't believe any claims of love for me that they make.

Khadija said...

FP,

{chuckling in admiration at how you succintly & elegantly laid it all out}

So...Lupe & Mei Ling are also starting to dump their half-Black children?

{gales of laughter} Oh...I know on one level it's not right of me to laugh about this. {still chuckling}

But, truth be told, I currently have as much empathy for Lupe's & Mei Ling's half-Black cast-off children as these women have for the all-Black cast-off (by their Black fathers)children: None. Zero. Zip. Goose-egg.

If you're familiar with the L.A. area, I'm sure you've read the news reports of a Lupe's half-Black son who shot & killed a random Black girl. He did this as a shaved-head (a la Vin Diesel---can't let that Black hair be revealed!) member of a Mexican street gang. I guess he was passing as 100% Mexican, even though his mother commented to a reporter in the LA Times that what he did wasn't racist because "he has Black blood."
______________________________

As you said from another angle, "Reciprocity is king!" I'm learning how to be ruthless about people who don't serve any productive purpose for me and other Black women.
_______________________________
More blunt talk, sis {chuckling}: As you noted, there will always be issues involved with humans. However, in terms of the being productive husbands & fathers, non-Black men tend to have a head start----More of them grew up with their fathers in their homes & lives. Fewer non-Black men need remedial/special ed-type coaching & encouragement about how & why to be a responsible husband & father.

Sis, I've grown very weary of hearing Black males pat themselves on the back for doing BASELINE things like spending a bit of money on their children. I'm tired of hearing said males make statements that indicate that they have NO CLUE about how a normal, wholesome, legitimate family operates.

For example, I'm tired of seeing adult Black males' mouths drop open when I ask them how can they physically protect their children when they don't live with them? After all, this can't be done over the phone.

These males seem to not comprehend that physical protection is one of the BASELINE duties of a father. Especially protection of their daughters from predators. They think that weekend or tele-parenting represents excellence as a father.

This mindset is part of why it's now all-out open season on Black girls in Black residential areas. The predators know that the men who created most of today's Black girls won't lift a finger to protect them. And won't lift a finger to avenge them either.

Unlike the predators that feared the reactions of old-school Black fathers, today's predator won't face any life-ending/life-changing retaliation from the majority of today's Black fathers.

How else is it possible for an open & notorious pedophile like R.Kelly to continue to draw breath? And remain physically uninjured? How is it that ALL of the Black men who fathered his numerous victims have let him slide? Including Aaliyah's father? This is an abomination.

Time out on wasting any concern whatsoever on males who don't know how to, or choose not to, function as men. I like your phrases about "releasing backward thinking." And "choose happy." WORD!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Smileyface said...

Whether it's the 2% of remaining Black knights (such as Ensayn or TLW), or non-Black men (including willing and able White men).

>>> So 2% of Black American men are decent? It's that dire? Am I on base here?

Khadija said...

Stealthkitty,

Please correct me if I'm misunderstanding or misconstruing your point.

If I'm hearing you correctly, you're saying willing & able White men should be excluded as husbands & fathers because the bulk of them are "sitting on their hands" and doing "nothing to dismantle the system of White supremacy."

What are the bulk of the Black men doing to dismantle the system of White supremacy? Should we continue to believe their protestations of love for us?

What are the bulk of so-called other people of color doing to dismantle the system of White supremacy? Should we believe them when they say they love us?

What are most Black women doing to dismantle the system of White supremacy? Do we believe that most of us love ourselves?

Answer: Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. People across the board are mostly "sitting on their hands."

So...Black women should exclude a segment of the men who are fit, willing, and able to protect & provide for us & our children. While we continue to dally with another segment of men who are NOT fit, willing, or able to protect & provide for us and our children.

And we are to exclude fit, willing, and able White men because we are demanding something of White men that we DON'T require of Black men, other men of color, OR OURSELVES?

Respectfully, this doesn't seem logical or practical.

Some more practical observations:

Many of us want to continue to exclude fit, willing, and able White men as partners and only consider other men of color. To each their own, I say. However, doing this is not congruent with Black women maximizing their odds of having good husbands. Here's why:

1-This notion is overlooking the fact that many men of color (Latinos, Asians, etc.) engage in the same colorist practices as Black men. Many of them have the same mindset as Negro rapper Young Berg who said, "I'm kinda racist...I don't do dark butts."

2-What I've noticed with fit, willing, & able White men (i.e., non-racist White men) is that once you're in the "Black" category, they generally don't make colorist subdivisions based on light/dark skin, hair "texture," etc. These men are generally not looking at Black women with the same color-struck eyes of Black men and many other men of color.

Keep in mind that I live/work in a Northern city filled with "ethnic" White men [Italians, Greeks, Poles, Serbians, etc.] who are not directly familiar with the slave narrative-based subdivisions of light/dark skin or the concept of "good" hair, etc. In general for them, any woman who is visibly Black is equally within the "Black" category as any other Black woman.

3-Numerically, there are simply more White men in this country. Again, I'm talking about us maximizing our odds.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija-

yes, lupe and mei ling are dumping evidence, too. i find it hysterical,without apology, considering how much more "special" these women have decided they are than black women.

these non black women have flipped their hair and regurgitated the same nonsense that some/most black men like to spew about black women.

i knew this what are you? woman that knew without a doubt that she was better than black women. she was dating a black guy, who when he was not telling her how pretty her skin was and how nice her good hair was, and how much he did not like black women; he was blacking and bloodshotting her eyes. i never opened my mouth or lifted a finger to help her. i am not sorry. her self esteem was built on trying to squash mine. get some miss special.

she and others like her spread the same lies that quite a few black men do you know:

a. we don't know how to treat our men. (that's why they leave)

b. we won't LET them be men. (that's why they leave)

c. we are not attractive and feminine enough. (that's why they leave)

the list goes on and on. for me, at this point, who cares? black male GO!!! fast!

those that don't dump the evidence usually, to quote myself from earlier,

"these women generally end up hating black people in general and teach their children the same."

so the shaved head biracial that identified with non black to the extent that he could perpetrate hate crimes against black folk, doesn't surprise me in the least. another thing about the violence between black males and brown men in los angeles that no one wants to talk about---black males have given themselves permission to run through latinas at an alarming rate here. i think the how to's is a part of the los angeles unified school district curriculum. black males are disrespecting these women (with their full participation since they are special) and it is causing tension/violence between the males. i don't get too worked up about it. hispanics have now declared they don't want black men walking on sidewalks down the streets of their neighborhoods, much less defiling their sisters and abandoning them with children. this is perfectly understandable to me. only BLACK males sit back and watch their women be disrespected and defiled, quietly. probably because they love doing it so much themselves.

i cannot afford to care anymore about black men and their issues. they have other black men for that. caring is what keeps black women in the fold, with our abandoned children, and...predators that come through... on occasion. enough!

i was reading somewhere on-line where a black male indicated that black women made great p#@@y shots and little else. i was grateful to the clown, at least he was honest, and in that honesty disallowed any romantic notions.

THE BATTLE HAS CHANGED.

Stealthkitty, i discuss history and am ever mindful of the GREAT dues paid by my ancestors for a reason. it is not to walk around hating white people. i do not. i actually, truth be told, get along quite well and am very comfortable in predominantly white settings. white men love me. not the lip service love, but actual, how can i help you love. i have turned my head around and will no longer engage in backwards thinking. how stupid is it to push that away because it is not in black skin, when my brother (literally and figuratively) would stampede over me, without checking to see if i were injured for becky? enough!

at the end of the day, now that i have laid down my slay-anyone-that-speaks-ill/truth-about-the-black-man sword; i don't care who sisters choose. i suggest it be someone of quality, honor, and good moral character.

Khadija, you should give yourself permission to laugh until you almost pee your pants. the mess is funny! i, too, am ruthless. i have said it before and will say it again, sisters must loosen our grip on the trickbag---let becky, ming, lola, and what are you mixed with? get some. i for one have had enough.

i am off to create a beautiful day:-) blessings all!

focusedpurpose

PioneerValleyWoman said...

FP:

these women generally end up hating black people in general and teach their children the same.

My reply:

Or, the children associate blackness and black males with "Daddy, who left..." and with only mom's influence in the home, they are raised exclusively to identify with her cultural heritage. Daddy is not there to provide a countervailing influence.

An example, Bryan Clay, winner of the decathalon: Japanese mother, black father. The parents divorced when he was ten and he was raised by his mother and her family. As far as he's concerned, he is a Japanese-American man who is married to a white woman.

Other examples, countless Debbies who raise their biracial children alone within their extended family context when they are no longer with the black fathers of their children. The children are raised to identify with their white mothers and their mothers' families. Daddy and his family might not be in the picture as much.

I do think individual white men are deciding they don't want the "weak link" Debbies. They are thus choosing other women, and they don't care who gets Debbie, as long as they are not the ones having to deal with her.

It is a guy thing.

Just like black men being pissed to see black women with white men, some white men are pissed to see the "black team" winning when a black man walks off with a Debbie.

Since I'm not into fighting men's battles, I don't give a hoot over black men's struggles with white men in this arena and any resentments they feel over black women with white men.

They lost the right a long time ago when they began dating out in far more numbers than black women do but then had the nerve to criticize black women who did the same.

Loyalty is a two-way street.

Black women don't have to be loyal to "the race" if racial loyalty is defined solely in terms of protecting black men's interests and uplifting them in the eyes of non-black men and women, but black men don't always give black women the same loyalty.

tasha212 said...

FP,

I'm so happy that you're back. I have missed your voice. I am quite disturbed about the black female condition in this world. I am at a loss as to what the solution is. In the past, I must confess that I have been critical of black women who choose to date interracially. It is a very painful thing to admit that one is wrong. I have come to the conclusion over the last couple of months (in my head) that I want black women to be happy. We deserve to have quality men of any color. Eventhough in my own personal life, I still date black men exclusively, I will no longer critiicize black women who choose to do otherwise. I am still willing to come to the table with those few sane black men who are willing to fight as loudly and as hard for me as they expect me to fight for them. We can no longer be mules. After some reflection, I came up with A Black Woman's Bill of Rights, which I posted on my blog. It is something that we as women need to not only demand for ourselves but also for our little girls who are totally defenseless in this world.

As far as your and Khadijah's comments about Becky's, Mei-Ling's, and Lupe's half-black off-spring, I almost fell out of my chair. I look forward to reading your posts and comments not only on this blog but on others.

Someone, I think it was PVW, commented on the difference between how black boys are raised as opposed to how girls are raised. What do you think about that, given that you're the mother of a black manchild. What would be your advice to a mother who's trying to raise a "good" son, as opposed to the foolishness that most of our men turn out to be? Blessings, peace, and solidarity my sister. I look forward to your response.

Tasha

Stealthkitty said...

Khadija:

In a word - yes, you are misconstruing my point. I am not advocating for bling loyalty to men who have demonstrated their unwillingness to protect and provide for the black woman and the black child. These black men are abominations and don't deserve another tiny ounce of our attention, devotion, etc.. What I am saying that those who have the ability to dismantle white supremecy, white men, and who are doing nothing to do so, are not credible as love interests to me. That is my opinion. You cannot say that you love me when you are indifferent to my suffering - that's the way I feel about ALL men. I just find it simply incredible that certain men who have been the mortal enemy of my people are now all of a sudden suitable candidates for marriage.

Don't get me wrong - those damaged beyond repair black men - I have written them off. But, that doesn't mean that I will be casting an eye towards so called "non-racist white men" - because personally I don't believe that there is such a thing.

focusedpurpose said...

welcome back PVW-

good points. if i were not so exhausted i would highlight the many reasons i stressed my thoughts. suffice it to say, it is not, in my opinion as simple and straight forward as your point quite a bit of the time.

the tiger woods of the world grew up with black men around. it does not stop them from making public derogatory comments about black folks, as well as choosing to self define as black when it is beneficial and not when it is not. recently though, i have decided that i won't worry about that either...this is america and people may be whatever they would like...i am considering self defining as a pink tulip...ok, being silly but really, i no longer care.

yes, i, too have seen white men that seemed annoyed when certain white women decide to be with black men. these experiences have been rare indeed.

Stealthkitty, welcome back. all i can say is to each their own. i do not believe ALL white folks are racists. in fact, i believe there are more that go along to get along than actual racists. make no mistake, i write no passes for these people. i am simply saying that going forward, when i decide to devote time to dating again, that for me---my decisions will be based on the content of the person's character and NOT the color of their skin as it has in the past. i will waste no time worrying about what others think.

hi Tasha! welcome. i am so glad that you came to visit. i will check out your bill of rights when i am not exhausted.

to answer your question, i teach my son to do for self. do not expect others to provide for you what you can very well provide for yourself. need a job? create one. want something? work for it. honor your word and meet your responsibilities. when he tries to sell me excuses, i let him know that i am not interested in hearing about the labor pains, i would like to see the baby. treating women with dignity and respect at all times, is non negotiable.

the list goes on and on. at the end of the day, i think it best summed up to say that i do not write passes for him. i hold him to a high standard. as he gets older, the level of responsibility increases. when he came to me and indicated that he was ready to have sex, i let him know that i supported him. i then asked if he were ready to be a father? he seemed genuinely stumped. that was a great segway into the purpose of sex. i tell him the truth. i have never lied to him about santa and anything else. i consciously create space so that he is able to assert himself and be reasonably independent. in fact, i encourage it and offer suggestions to the obstacles that arise. fixing his problems is NOT my job. equipping him with the tools that he might be able to stand in the face of adversity and apply critical thinking to resolve the concerns, my job. i am practicing getting out of the way and letting HIM do it, again, my job.

i have learned to give my son room to ask why and question that which he does not understand. because i said so, is NOT acceptable. this teaches him to follow with/without understanding. no good. i have learned to listen, i ask what he would say if he could speak freely without fear of penalty. when he speaks, sometimes i learn. other times, he just gets on my nerves!

i pray for him that he will be an anointed man of God and serve the Lord for all of his days.

hope that helps!

i will come back after i have had some rest. my eyes are crossing right now:-)

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

Khadija said...

Stealthkitty,

To each their own. As far as I'm concerned it's all good, as long as nobody is trying to hinder other Black women from finding the joy & protection they deserve from any worthy man that will provide this for them.
____________________________

PVW:

You referred to "weak link Debbie." {gales of laughter} I like that! There are LOTS of weak links: weak link Tyrone; weak link Shaniqua, weak link Becky, "biracial" forged-to-be-a-weak link Tiger, etc. {more chuckling}
_________________________________

Tasha!!! I'm so happy to hear from you! [Goodness, this is starting to feel like a reunion. LOL!]

I know what you mean. You can imagine my horror (post-Dunbar Village Atrocity & Aftermath, etc.) when I discovered that many of the women I would have denounced as oreos WERE RIGHT about a lot of things. {one trickbag that current events forcibly snatched out of my hands}

Not to mention the grief I felt when I discovered that I was gravely mistaken about most of what I had believed regarding Black folks. Snapping out of the Black Nationalist trance was very painful for me. It's hard to let go of cherished ideology. {another trickbag I've dumped by the side of the road}

Rejoice in the fact that you have the intellectual honesty and resilience to be able to make a course correction.

[Note: I'm not going to use the word "strength" in reference to us anymore. This is part of me releasing my grip on the 'Strong Black Woman' trickbag. Thanks, FP, for another perfect pithy phrase---Black women need to release their grips from a LOT of trickbags that we've been holding tight.]

Tasha, I believe that part of how Black women got in this predicament is that collectively we've continued doing the same things and somehow expected different results. [One definition of insanity.] Your, my, and other sisters' willingness to change course is part of the solution.

I'll be by to check out the Black Women's Bill of Rights on your blog.


Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Smileyface said...

Khadija, you touched on R Kelly briefly. I just want to add that he has escaped persecution because many Black PEOPLE supported him (although the tide does seem to be changing).

It wasn't just Black men who were sitting idle whilst he was denigrating young teenagers and making millions.

There are many Black women out there who were quite content to shell over their hard-earned money to watch this man perform.

"What I am saying that those who have the ability to dismantle white supremecy, white men, and who are doing nothing to do so, are not credible as love interests to me. That is my opinion. You cannot say that you love me when you are indifferent to my suffering - that's the way I feel about ALL men. I just find it simply incredible that certain men who have been the mortal enemy of my people are now all of a sudden suitable candidates for marriage."

Stealthkitty, I understand exactly where you are coming from. Your reluctance is understandable.

I believe that a minority of white males are staunch racists and the majority are prejudiced to a degree about Black people.

"i cannot afford to care anymore about black men and their issues. they have other black men for that. caring is what keeps black women in the fold, with our abandoned children, and...predators that come through... on occasion. enough!"

Focused Purpose, you say that you no longer care about Black men's interests. Does this apply to family members too (eg. son, brothers, cousins etc)? or solely outsiders?

This has been an interesting topic to read so far...

Khadija said...

FP,

So THAT'S what's really underlying the conflict between Black & Mexican males in LA. Black males are fighting to have free access to, and defile, Latinas; and Latin men are fighting to protect their women. Thanks for explaining that. Local Black women & girls need to get clear of all of that.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Khadija said...

[FP, please excuse any double post. I had a problem with the comment button.]

Smileyface,

Regarding my earlier comments about R.Kelly, the open & notorious pedophile:

I wasn't talking about "Black people" (who are strangers) avenging the many, many Black girls he has defiled. I asked "how it was possible that ALL of the Black men who fathered his numerous victims have let him slide? Including Aaliyah's father?"

Baseline duties of a father include providing food, clothing, shelter, and physical protection for HIS children. A MAN understands that strangers are NOT the ones primarily responsible for providing these things for HIS children.

If a predator somehow infiltrates the circle of protection that a father is supposed to provide, and manages to defile his child, a MAN understands that HE is the one primarily responsible for confronting that predator. A MAN understands that he is the one primarily responsible for getting some justice & retribution for the harm that was done to HIS child.

A MAN would not send a woman (including his child's mother) out to confront the male sexual predator that preyed on his child. A MAN understands that the women in his family are NOT supposed to be the first lines of physical defense of the children in the family. A MAN understands that the women in his family are also NOT supposed to be the first lines of those responsible for avenging the children.

MEN understand that their women are not supposed to be on the front lines dealing with individuals who pose physical threats to the family. Or dealing with those individuals who have already physically harmed family members.

If the child's father is unable to seek justice and retribution from the sexual predator, the other MEN in the family understand that it falls to them to be in the front lines seeking justice for the child from their family that was harmed.

"Black people" (strangers) and "Black women" (more strangers) aren't the ones primarily responsible for avenging R.Kelly's many, many victims. The Black men who fathered these girls should have been the ones FIRST in line to avenge their own flesh & blood.

Why is this basic concept so hard for so many Black males to comprehend? When somebody owes most individual Black males money, they aren't looking for strangers to get their money back for them. They pursue the money they are owed themselves.

Why doesn't this same mindset carry over to protecting and providing for their own children? Why do so many Black males have the kneejerk reaction of trying to pass off their fatherly duties onto strangers?

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Anonymous said...

aI am not trying to dissuade any black woman from dating/marrying a white man. It is up to the individual. I just don't see them as the solution to our problems. In a perfect world that had not been scared by white supremecy, I would have no problem with having a white spouse. But white supremecy is here and white men are not doing a whole heck of alot to dismantle it; they are not giving up that white skin privilege in order that their wives and children can enjoy the benefits of living in a society where people are judged based upon the content of their character. If I were to meet a white man with the spirit of John Brown, then sure, I would consider him "eligible". It just seems to me that we are willing to cut them slack for the very same thing that we blame damaged beyond repair black men for - not protecting black women and children. And make no mistake, white supremecy is as much a threat to black women and black children today as it ever has been in the past. When your new love doesn't at least speak out against it or deny the perks that come to him for being a white male, then he is as guilty of perpetuating this hateful system as any clown wearing a sheet and a hood. Doing nothing has always been the partner of evil.
Signed,
Stealthkitty

lormarie said...

Hello Focusedpurpose,

Thanks so much for writing this post. For many years I've been warning black women I know about this black male idolatry. Now more than ever I see us waking up. I'm always pleasantly surprised when I witness even the most militant black women see the light. Thanks again!

focusedpurpose said...

Smileyface-

welcome.

i have thought about the question you posed earlier. i wanted to be sure that i gave it the respectful amount of thought, as much for the sake of those that would read my thoughts as me.

after thinking further, i realize, my assertions were not born of emotion. they are born of firm resolution. i.do.not.care.

the interests of black men do not profit me in the least. my reciprocity clause rejects any notion that they should be of major concern for me.

the last forty plus years should have taught all black women, and have definitely taught me that when black men overcome, it means NOTHING for the black woman and her children. NOTHING! i will not continue to give energy nor efforts to a system that is designed and functions well to my detriment.

feminism and the "i am a man" movement was worked diligently by black women. the implied agreement has been that our needs will be taken into consideration. they have not been and will obviously not be. i choose to devote ALL of my energy to the interests of black women and children. I.AM.NOT.SORRY!

what is good for black men, is not good at all for black women. to protect the interests of black women and children, black men will need to stand against black men, primarily. black men are used in the congo/other places and here to do the bidding of those that perpetuate white supremacy and the subjagation/de-population of the black race. look around and tell me that you do not notice that when the history books are written, the millennium tale will convict BLACK males not white ones for the destruction of black folks world wide?

the males in my family are grown. it is not my job nor desire to devote a millisecond to fighting for their interests. the MEN are to protect the interests of themselves and their women and children. the fact that MOST black men have abdicated themselves of their responsibilities simply means that it will NOT get done. it in no ways mean that I will be responsible to get it done on their behalf, so i can get no thank you, appreciation, or respect. enough already. when i see that others will not afford me a break, I TAKE ONE!

i am taking a break that will not end from fighting on behalf of those that will do nothing by way of reciprocity. one cannot command respect without change.

right now today, there is a brother that i did not agree with often, yet he was there when other brothers with greater platforms were not. dunbar village was the unofficial litmus test for me. this brother is famous for open letters to folks that he felt were on the wrong side of the issues relating to black men. his mentor according to his own assertions was al sharpton, and when that conked fool came out on the side of the black male super predators and not the woman and child that sustained hours of sexual torture---at gunpoint---there was NO open letter. this man has also been vocal about the abuses perpetrated by the lapd. he lacked the wisdom, obviously, to know that he needed to shun the very appearance of evil. for this ignorance and lack of wisdom...he is now incarcerated. i cannot afford to care. furthermore, when black women needed him to stand and go to battle, he did not. he can only fight feverishly when it is white folks. most violent crime and abuses are committed against black women and children by BLACK MALES. as long as black males sit back and act like they don't know, i don't care, nor do i have time. simple. i am not sorry and do not care who i offend.

look back through history. black women have stood on the front lines with black men, receiving identical maltreatment; only to be treated with such disrespect and disloyalty now. i will only nurture that which i want to live. this mess must die. sisters must be free and happy. if black men must be offended for this to happen...so shall it be.

i hope that answers your question. i have tried to be clear. as a woman, i am responsible to/for other women and children. men are responsible for us all. if you are a man, i pray you have sustained strength while attempting to convince the black man that it is not ALL about him and his interests. you know, white women and black men are perfect for one another. this segment of the population is grossly disloyal and committed to only themselves. i give up, in the interest of happiness, peace, prosperity,minimal stress, and enjoying my womanhood.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Lormarie-

welcome sis. yes, i have seen the light. i am not angry. i could easily be the most positive and peaceful that i have been in awhile. i am just fully persuaded that i have been going in the wrong direction. which there is no shame in, we all get lost from time to time. the shame would be to continue to go in that direction. that will not stand! not on my watch.

Stealthkitty, sis, you have made your point. to continue to make it is redundant. so in your position, you have eliminated for yourself many options. you are entitled. you do it with blessings. go in peace. the information that Khadija shared with you is sad yet true, eliminate white skin with this full knowledge. at the end of the day, i want you to have what you want. does that make sense? i say it with all due respect.

blessings to you and know that you are welcome at anytime.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija-

what double post? i love your mind and flava. apologies are not necessary here. do you. to the max. i welcome it from all that visit. this is how we learn and grow. all the censorship is how we all walk around like drones and get nowhere as humans. this is a free space.

to anonymous that likes to be a racist rambling clown, i will continue to censor you until you submit your thoughts in a less disrespectful dribble fashion. it is not personal. it is a matter of principle.

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

ok, i have typos and grammatical errors i see. i do know how to spell subjugate:-)

i must confess, i am a bit of a workaholic and perfectionist. i have been pushing myself really hard in my professional life and will continue to do so until i get to where i see myself and where i would like to be.

please forgive the typos. i am too tired to correct them right now:-)

blessings all,
focusedpurpose

lormarie said...

Don't get me wrong - those damaged beyond repair black men - I have written them off. But, that doesn't mean that I will be casting an eye towards so called "non-racist white men" - because personally I don't believe that there is such a thing.--Stealthkitty

I too believe there is no such thing as a nonracist white man. In fact, I still second guess each one I meet. Unfortunately, white men who engage in IR dating and marriage probably still hold racist views that they may or may not be aware of, sometimes against black males specifically (and honestly, I no longer let that bother me). So I can understand your position because it's not easy to shake off. What helps me is realizing that the average white man is no more an enemy and no less a friend to black women than the average black man. I truly believe this now.

I see no difference between a black man who hates black women and a white man who hates blacks. Black woman hating black men are just as much of an enemy to me as any nazi or klansmen. Therefore, dating or marrying a white man is theoretically no different for black women than marrying a black man, IMO. There are white men and black men who hate us. But again, getting to that point isn't simple.

No one should be forced to date or marry a person of another race. But if you allow yourself to at least form platonic friendships with a number of white men, your perspective may change.

Smileyface said...

Hello all,

Khadija, I understand your disdain that more Black men haven't stepped up (regarding R Kelly), but I feel like there are several factors that play a part in this.

a: Folks don't want to see another 'brotha' go to jail (solidarity)
b: People just don't care (complacency)
c: The girl is a 'ho', and deserves what she got (ignorance)
d: Some people see nothing wrong with his actions (different outlook)

This scenario could easily be applied to any young Black girl and her predator. There isn't enough collective outrage when the victim is a Black female.

(Sidenote: I have a sneaking suspicion that Aaliyah's parents were paid off, and the matter dropped. Money talks.)

Personally, I feel that alot of Black men see greater value in their 'brothas' than they do us. And this has happened because the community reinforces the idea that Black men need saving. They need support and to be placed on a pedestal because they have it 'worse' than us.

Many Black women have bought into this ideology at their own detriment. And we are now seeing the results.

I believe that many Black men aren't being raised with the notion of protecting Black women. Why would they when they know that the 'strong Black woman' can handle it all by herself?

My hope is that more Black women learn to love and adore themselves. No more settling. No more excuses.

"the interests of black men do not profit me in the least. my reciprocity clause rejects any notion that they should be of major concern for me.

the last forty plus years should have taught all black women, and have definitely taught me that when black men overcome, it means NOTHING for the black woman and her children. NOTHING! i will not continue to give energy nor efforts to a system that is designed and functions well to my detriment."

Focused Purpose, I understand and respect your position.

Me? I look out for those who have love and care in their heart for me. That's my stance on the issue. :)

focusedpurpose said...

welcome back Smileyface:-)

you said:

"Me? I look out for those who have love and care in their heart for me. That's my stance on the issue. :)"

i say:

my sentiments exactly. we are in agreement. unfortunately, that eliminates more black men than it includes as far as i can see. that is all i was saying in the first place.

thanks for stopping in. know that you are welcome, anytime.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

The point is, why would anyone date or sleep with a person who thems them. The color of the hater doesn't matter. I thought that the purpose of expanding our dating options to include white men was to find someone who would love, protect and honor us; but how can you cay that they love protect and honor you when they harbor negative feelings about you and your race. How can you say that these white men love you when they just don't harbor these feelings but these feelings cause them to set in motion action, legislation, etc. that negatively impacts upon black people. I don't believe that any black woman should have anything to do with ANY man who is doing stuff to hurt them. White or black or otherwise.

Stealthkitty

Khadija said...

Smileyface,

Yes, you are correct. Another part of the problem is that we've had decades of propaganda declaring Black males an "endangered species" that must be saved at all costs. Usually saved by BW. And saved at BW's expense and to our detriment.

Later for all of that.

I am in total agreement with the sentiments you & FP expressed. I only care about people who care about me. And I only care to the same extent that they care for me.

Reciprocity is king!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Stealthkitty said...

I think that we all agree that black women should not support black men who don't support us. I agree with everyone completely 1000% on this point. Amen. Now, we have work on reaching our young sisters with this message. Unfortunately we are preaching to the choir on this and other blogs. The challenge is how do we reach our dear sisters with this message of liberation; that they don't have to be the punching bags for disfunctional creeps any longer. Any suggestions. I firmly believe in the concept of each one teach one.

roslynholcomb said...

Wow, I'm sure I'm not welcome here, but I just had to say, Wow. I am speechless with admiration. It takes a big woman to be able to openly admit to such a colossal change of heart. All I can say is, Wow. Peace onto you and yours.

focusedpurpose said...

Stealthkitty:

you said:

" Now, we have work on reaching our young sisters with this message. Unfortunately we are preaching to the choir on this and other blogs. The challenge is how do we reach our dear sisters with this message of liberation; that they don't have to be the punching bags for disfunctional creeps any longer. Any suggestions. I firmly believe in the concept of each one teach one."

Stealthkitty, i actively and deliberately put myself in settings where i can listen and dialogue with younger women and girls. i distribute my cards for my blog to black women, especially the ones that see me and take great pains to not acknowledge my presence. as much as we talk about black males not liking black women, the reality is, there are quite a few black women and girls that do not like black women, either. these women and girls seem to not see themselves in their sisters. there is an undeniable suspicion and dis-ease in full effect among quite a few black women.

each one teach one is the law of the land for me. i refuse to engage in argument and debate these days, however. i choose instead to plant seeds and move forward powerfully. we are our sisters' keepers. i pray that i will see the day when sisters will work as diligently and fight as hard for one another as we do/have for others.

thanks for coming back and sharing your thoughts.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Rosalyn-

hi and welcome. you are very much welcome here. while we have not always agreed, nor do we have to, i bear you no ill will. i truly believe our strength is in our differences. at the end of the day sis, we are all we got. once we realize this, set aside our petty differences, and collectively wield our power---it will be a new day. sisters would do well to emulate what works and immediately abandon that which does not---you know, hating on each other, bickering with one another looking for ways to waste our time, money, and energy.

as i have said before, i will be the first to acknowledge when i have made a mistake. it is all a part of growth. until i die, i plan to be in the process of growing and learning.

thank you for your kind words and for coming to visit. know that you are welcome anytime.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Khadija said...

Stealthkitty,

I actively and deliberately evangelize all of the Black women around me with the message of this and other pro-BW blogs. I print out the essays that I think are most thought-provoking, and pass them out.

I respectfully suggest that we all do the same.

I burned and played for my BW coworkers a CD-rom copy of the Black Women's Roundtable podcast discussion with the NAACP representatives. Specifically, the interview done during the e-campaign against the NAACP's & Rev. Hot Comb's support of the Dunbar Village Atrocity superpredators. We sat together, listened, and discussed this during several lunch gatherings.

I respectfully suggest that we all host gatherings to play interviews, etc. that discuss matters that are vital to BW's survival.

I actively and loudly encourage all the BW around me to increase their personal odds of finding a good husband by dating outside the race. I loudly encourage them to increase their personal odds by refraining from socializing in all-Black settings.

We all know what happens in all-Black social settings: there's a small handful of "eligible" BM rotating among, and juggling the attentions of, a much larger number of desperate BW.

Respectfully, I don't really feel that we're preaching to the choir here, or any other site that's not specifically dedicated to encouraging BW to expand their marriage options. The "choir" seems to only exist on those particular sites.

There's a different pattern to these conversations in all other places. When this topic comes up, many BW respond with political ideology instead of immediately thinking through their own personal interests. It usually takes several rounds of interactions for most BW to move past repeating ideological talking points.

We all have a lot of work to do in exposing BW to their full range of options. Onward & forward to victory!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

roslynholcomb said...

Well stealthkitty, I write romance novels. Obviously, my main purpose is to entertain, or no one would buy them, but I have received feedback from readers that they rethought their dating/mating options after reading my books.

I've been online encouraging black women to expand their options for more than a decade now. I'm not here as much as I used to be, primarily because I'm the SAHM to a young son and my limited free time is spent writing, but I do my best when and where I can.

...these women and girls seem to not see themselves in their sisters. there is an undeniable suspicion and dis-ease in full effect among quite a few black women.

This is very troubling and saddens me deeply. I had always thought that this behavior was informed by sexual competitiveness, which is, of course, common amongst all women. But I'm now inclined to believe that it goes considerably deeper than that as I've seen it manifested even amongst women regardless of their mating status.

Obviously, we live in a culture that despises black women so I shouldn't be surprised that we have absorbed some of that disdain into our own spirits, but it still troubles me deeply. I'm not sure how we overcome it.

Felicity said...

Well said!

lormarie said...

I'm not sure how we overcome it.--Roslynholcomb

I think if more and more of us would start affirming ourselves publicly, others will follow suit. I have an internet magazine that I'm trying to get up and running, but I've been toying with the idea of creating a website based on affirming and celebrating black womanhood. It's a start.

Anonymous said...

lormarie - I love the idea of a magazine for black women that teaches self affirmation. It is sorely needed. Thank you for that.

Focusedpurpose, Khadija, and Rosalyn - never have I doubted your committment to black women and girs. Thanks for all you do. I too spend a good deal of time talking to young black women - especially teenagers. I try to instill in them some self respect because in my opinion, it is the one sure weapon against exploitation by abusers. I pray for you all and all of my sisters.

Signed
Stealthkitty

Anonymous said...

Welcome back FocusedPurpose!!!

I agree with ALLLLLL of what you stated in the post (and comments) along with Khadija et. al.

WOW!!! And seeing Roslyn here too??? Good. All good.

I hope to read more.

I pray for your continued growth and happiness.

v/r
Aya

Khadija said...

Stealthkitty,

Thank YOU for everything that you do to help our sisters!
________________________

FP,

I hope you don't mind me borrowing your forum for a moment for an urgent public service announcement. This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'm feeling more alarmed with each day that passes.

WARNING TO ALL BLACK FOLKS: If you haven't already done so, I strongly urge you to get a 2nd source of income immediately! Here's why:

In the midst of our mass Obama-mania, most of us really haven't thought through the repercussions of having him in the White House.

1-If Sen. Obama is elected, the days of crying to White folks about racism will be OVER. They won't entertain that anymore. After all, racism can't be that bad if there's been a Black (sort-of) president elected.

This is a problem because we don't have a collective Plan B. Our entire strategy (such as it is) revolves around protesting racism.

2-I firmly believe that this economy is going to crash. I also believe that the powers that be have been mitigating & concealing the full extent of the damage to protect George W's image. They won't extend the same favor to Obama if he's elected.

In fact, they'll be sure to let all of the rotten economic eggs drop to the ground on his watch. [To make sure that he gets the blame for the past 8 years of fiscal mismanagement & crime.]

This is why everybody needs a side hustle. Right now. Being totally dependent on a single (more fragile than you realize) paycheck is courting disaster.

3-When the full extent of the economic disaster hits, help WON'T be on the way from an Obama Administration. At least, not for Black folks. A Pres. Obama will feel the need to prove to White folks that he's not partial to Black people or our problems.

Given our hypnotic support for him, the masses of Black folks won't even scream out while he ignores us. Our elders will quietly start eating dog food instead of groceries. They'll quietly go without medication that they can no longer afford. Many of us will quietly go without heat during the winter.

And they'll want YOU to suffer quietly too! After all, "we" gotta support the "brother." You won't get any support from other Black folks for crying out (or making any noise at all) during an Obama Administration.

Don't let this scenario happen to you or your loved ones. Get ready. Get prepared. ASAP.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the warning Khadija; may I also add that it wouldn't be a bad idea to learn to grow your own food.

Signed,
Stealthkitty

LorMarie said...

I'm actually trying to categorize a black women's movement, if in fact it can be called a movement. Can it be defined as gender nationalism? I personally cannot embrace nationalism in terms of race, but I wonder how this can all be defined. I ask because I got into a discussion about this on another blog...that being the importance of nationalism. But I don't see how it benefits black women.

Anonymous said...

cI think that a global black women's movement - daughters of the disapora movement is called for. One thing that I do to stand up for black women is to boycott (personal) all companies that have shown disdain for black women either in the way they portray us in their ads or our absence from their ads or by them employing black men who actively and vocally hate on black women.
Example of the latter ,I don't own anything made by Nike.

Signed,
Stealthkitty

roslynholcomb said...

Thanks for the warning Khadija; may I also add that it wouldn't be a bad idea to learn to grow your own food.

I've been saying this one for a minute. Even if the American economy doesn't tank, food and clean water are going to be the battlegrounds in the coming decades. Food prices are only going to get higher. Seed production companies like ADM are patenting seed so that farmers can't re-use seed from their own crops, thus driving the price even higher.

We're going to continue to see more outbreaks of foodborne illnesses. It's incumbent upon us, if nothing else to learn how to grow the basics. Even in an apartment you can grow some nominal food of your own. I used to grow a 'salad garden' in a whiskey barrel on my deck when I lived in an apartment.

It's cheap, healthier and you will gain invaluable knowledge for the time when, if I'm right, we'll really need it. I've been a farmer/gardener all my life and I can tell you that climate change is real, and it's going to have a real impact on our future.

Anonymous said...

Don't know if I should mention this or not, but I was in Walmart today in the checkout reading the Enquirer (I know I know ) and it seems that Arnelle Simpson decked her father O.J.. According to the report, Arnelle is angry at O.J. because her mother has to work at Walmart because O.J. won't give her money which he spends like water on his current blonde female - ish friend and because he divorced her mother to marry Nicole. Black women ain't holding it in anymore. If posting this is in poor taste - please forgive me. But I can't help but feel encouraged.

Signed,
Stealthkitty

focusedpurpose said...

Stealthkitty-

the national enquirer? lol! i saw that cover, i feel a little weird reaching for the publication i must confess. thank God, eurweb posted greater details!

Arnelle seems fed up with daddy-murder-for-hire's ability to fund drunk reject becky's mess while her mother works at walmart. and yes, sisters are waking up. i for one am happy to see it. she shouldn't beat her dad in the head though. i doubt it will result in good sense for him:-) it does not put her in obedience with honor thy mother AND father (as hard as it may be for her i am sure) either.


Smileyface-

i seem to be experiencing problems with the comments. they are not showing in a timely manner. sorry for the delay with the posting of this one. it just showed up out of nowhere today. ???

does it make you feel better to say oh, 30% of black men are decent? 50%? that's a real stretch, yet wouldn't there still be a serious problem? defending black men (while the vast majority defend you not!) will prove a hard, bad habit to break. you can do it though. it will require consistent practice and focus. it gets easier the longer you practice. i say this with all due respect. there is truly only a remnant of decent black men. every sister wanting one will NOT have one. the rest seem content to exploit the situation to the fullest. acceptance of this truth brings peace i have found. sisters are working ourselves up in a lather while brothers couldn't care less for the most part. i am good with that and not sorry.

furthermore, it is a matter of self respect as far as i can see. black women are either worthy of reciprocity, or we are not. if through our behavior we convey we are not, we should all just quietly submit to the non stop assaults,disrespect, disloyalty and profuse excuse making. i for one am as serious as a heart attack. i will not continue to behave as though i were insane (doing the same things while expecting different results) and co-signing crazy in the misguided name of solidarity. there is no solidarity or reciprocity. all bets are off. i and we deserve better.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Smileyface said...

Focused Purpose,

I was not defending Black men. I asked if it was TRULY that dire.

I do not live in America, so I am genuinely curious as to what is going on over there in the BC.

Like you, I am a fan of truth. And truth tells me that people will tell their stories filled with biases and omissions like the next man. And I also know that many people have an inability to take a good hard look at their own faults and failings.

It is far easier to point the finger and say "no, it is you".

I see ABW discussing the bad and the ugly. I see ABM discussing the bad and the ugly.

Very rarely do you hear any good.

focusedpurpose said...

Smileyface-

welcome back!

you asked:

" I asked if it was TRULY that dire."

in a word---

YES! no one is making this up believe it or not.

you went further to say:

"I do not live in America, so I am genuinely curious as to what is going on over there in the BC."

where do you live? i am curious as to where you might live that you could feel incredulous? you don't necessarily need to pinpoint the city, just the country if that makes you more comfortable.

the bc as you call it is self hating and terminating as we speak. there are internal and external de-populating efforts in full effect here. after centuries of tampering with the natural dynamics of black man and black woman relationships, we are in large numbers still reeling from the effects. the rest i would attribute to a total lack of self love, self acceptance, and self respect. throw some irresponsibility and refusal to be accountable for anything and you have the mess sisters across this country are talking about and acting to change.

that's the best i can do to clue you in. hope that helps.

maybe someone else will weigh in to help you stand in the light of understanding and satisfy your curiosity.

as it relates to you comment:

"...truth tells me that people will tell their stories filled with biases and omissions like the next man. And I also know that many people have an inability to take a good hard look at their own faults and failings.

It is far easier to point the finger and say "no, it is you"."

lovely.

in the event that you missed it, i don't suffer from this affliction so much. i have been consistent in saying that there is responsibility on both sides of the gender coin. unfortunately, most (men and women) would like to keep the coin flipped to the black female side. (i say female because you can be a child and female and held responsible and accountable when the grown male is NOT). be clear, this business is what i oppose.

considering that "perfect" is not part of the human condition, of course there should be room for short comings and growth.

american black women in large numbers are conditioned and raised to believe that we should give a brother a chance, a break, and a helping hand. as it relates to sisters...not so much.

you said:

"Very rarely do you hear any good."

is this a black american phenomena? indeed, i should like to know where in this world you live that you are bombarded with lots of good on any topic.

when my sisters are under seige i feel in no ways obligated to do anything other than be focused and purposeful in speaking the truth, diligent in action, breathing life into a situation, and shining light where there is a need.

you don't even know the half of what black women and girls endure is this country. it is not en vogue to care just yet much less widely report it. half of the atrocious stuff black folks do to each other and especially what black males give themselves permission to do to black women and children, i don't even speak to it. it is depressing. don't take my word for it. seek the truth and you shall find it. i have learned that no matter how deep the hole, the truth can never be buried.

thanks for the growth inducing exchange.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Smileyface said...

in a word---

YES! no one is making this up believe it or not.

>>> Fair enough

where do you live? i am curious as to where you might live that you could feel incredulous? you don't necessarily need to pinpoint the city, just the country if that makes you more comfortable.

>>> Incredulous? Because I don't take everything I read at face value? Okay, I'll be that then.

the bc as you call it is self hating and terminating as we speak. there are internal and external de-populating efforts in full effect here. after centuries of tampering with the natural dynamics of black man and black woman relationships, we are in large numbers still reeling from the effects. the rest i would attribute to a total lack of self love, self acceptance, and self respect. throw some irresponsibility and refusal to be accountable for anything and you have the mess sisters across this country are talking about and acting to change.

>>> The same as England then ;)

in the event that you missed it, i don't suffer from this affliction so much. i have been consistent in saying that there is responsibility on both sides of the gender coin. unfortunately, most (men and women) would like to keep the coin flipped to the black female side. (i say female because you can be a child and female and held responsible and accountable when the grown male is NOT). be clear, this business is what i oppose.

>>> Fine.

american black women in large numbers are conditioned and raised to believe that we should give a brother a chance, a break, and a helping hand. as it relates to sisters...not so much.

>>> Then ABW need to break that habit then, or you'll end up like us over here.

is this a black american phenomena? indeed, i should like to know where in this world you live that you are bombarded with lots of good on any topic.

>>> So there are no thriving Black relationships? They don't exist?

you don't even know the half of what black women and girls endure is this country. it is not en vogue to care just yet much less widely report it. half of the atrocious stuff black folks do to each other and especially what black males give themselves permission to do to black women and children, i don't even speak to it. it is depressing. don't take my word for it. seek the truth and you shall find it. i have learned that no matter how deep the hole, the truth can never be buried.

thanks for the growth inducing exchange.

>>> Thanks for the sarcasm

focusedpurpose said...

hi Smileyface-

welcome back.

i want to be clear that i am NOT being sarcastic with you.

all exchanges grow me in some shape, form, or fashion. ours has as well. i simply thanked you for the growth. growth to me is a blessing. i believe that when we cease to grow we are dead.

you are reading sarcasm into my words when that was/is NOT my intent.

sure there are healthy happy relationships with black men and women. at NO time have i ever suggested that they did not exist.

if you check out a post i did called a different energy, in Latasha's comment she does an outstanding job describing just such an example.

do you not understand that the purpose and focus of this blog is to get black women to refuse to grade black men on a curve while we get nothing in return? did you even read this post? i am not being mean nor sarcastic, i am being serious. i don't understand how you can read this post and then comment:

"Then ABW need to break that habit then..."

how much clearer can i possibly make it than to say RECIPROCITY is king?

really and truly, i don't expect anyone to take anything that i say at face value, hence my suggestion that you not take my word for it. i urge you and all to seek the truth and you will find it. this is one of my practices, thus far it has served me well:-)

it seems to me that black women are facing a lot of the same issues around the world. rather than wasting time focusing on our differences, it seems wiser to focus on our commonalities. no?

when i say that you are welcome anytime, that is TRULY what i mean.

when one ceases to be welcome, i say that as well. i do my very best to keep it simple:-)

blessings to you,
focusedpurpose

LorMarie said...

I see ABW discussing the bad and the ugly. I see ABM discussing the bad and the ugly.

Very rarely do you hear any good.--SmileyFace

I think the negativity is the result of a bad history. To be honest, my perception of blacks in the UK is that the negativity exists among them as well. Wasn't it Lee Jasper who called for black schools? His assertion implies that black children cannot compete in multiracial environments. Had a member of the BNP said the same thing, guess what? I'd say that if problems exist in multiracial schools, they'd still exist in black themed schools. I'm not trying to be combative...just highlighting the fact that problems exists in the UK as well. Also, black men marry whites at much higher rates over there so something must be going on.

At any rate, I would like to hear more about life for black women in the UK. Similarities and differences, racism, crime (including those with race at its core). I only know of Diane Abbott whom I respect immensely, Esther Armah (who resides in NY), and Oona King. Do black women over there have the same issues and successes as we have here in the US? So far, I have one post that focuses on blacks in England. I'm still researching so I'd love to hear your POV.

Anonymous said...

Some black men will put their own self interest above everyone else's. Even their own children. I have heard more than one say that they don't want to do anything for their own children if that means depriving themselves. Forget about mounting a fight to protect their women and children. They might get hurt in the process so the woman and the child are on their own. Some of these gusy are are truly abominations.
As for Arnelle and OJ, well, the bible warns parents not to provoke their children to anger.. O.J. should have listened.

Stealthkitty

Khadija said...

Roslyn,

Patenting seeds so farmers can't re-use seed from their own crops? OMG! Thanks for mentioning this.
_________________________________

Smileyface,

In response to your questions:

1-The Dunbar Village Atrocity & Its Aftermath is a microcosm of what's going on in Black residential areas. There are many, many other incidents going on that don't make the national news. Most Black folks around the country have still never heard of the Dunbar Village Atrocity.

There are only a few blogs that make a point of putting all of this information in one spot. If you seek, you will find the information.

2-Things ARE that dire.

3-The Black "community" is self-terminating.

I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything. Everyone is free to take what they want, and to leave what they don't want. People are also free to draw their own conclusions.

I've drawn my own conclusions. I've read several books by WWII Holocaust survivors and books by those who lived through the communal slaughter in the former Yugoslavia. I've noticed a pattern in both categories of accounts.

Most people wait until it's too late to acknowlege reality. After all, nobody wants to believe that their neighbors will passively sit back while they're held, tortured and ultimately murdered because of (take your pick):

1-Vicious ethnic/sectarian militias (as in the former Yugoslavia, or current Iraq). Your neighbor tells visiting militamen that you belong to the "wrong" ethnic/sectarian group.

2-Authoritarian sympathizers. Neighbors that "dropped a dime" on local Jews & told the authorities where they could be found. I'm sure that many of my neighbors wouldn't hesitate to point out to any authorities where "a Mooz-lim" (me) lives.

3-Vicious criminals. Dunbar Village, the similar gang rape in Philadelphia, and other atrocities where the victim's all-Black neighbors sat back & listened to screams. FOR HOURS. Without so much as bothering to call the police. Said neighbors later casually told reporters in one case(with their names & photos used in the story) that they heard the screams "and laid down to take a nap."

Regarding the Jewish Holocaust, and ethnic cleansing in Yugoslavia and Iraq, those people who took heed of early warning signals had a better chance of surviving. Those who clung to denial had worse odds of surviving.

Most people cling to the facade of normal life until things are so drastic that there's no room to pretend anymore. At which point, it's usually too late to escape a brutal encounter and a bad death.

The depraved things that are going on, and accepted as normal, within Black residential areas defy description. Focused Purpose has said that she does not speak even half of the madness that she's aware of. I also share only a small portion of what I've observed working in the courts for the past 18 years.

In closing, my final response to your recent question is this: Noah's Ark.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Khadija said...

Smileyface,

I've thought some more about your question, "Are things TRULY that dire?"

Answer: Are/were things truly that dire in Rwanda & the Congo?

As FocusedPurpose has often observed, there's really nothing new under the sun. And BW's collective life conditions are more similar than they are different around the globe.

I doubt that either society (Rwanda, the Congo) started self-terminating out of the clear blue sky. The seeds of disintegration & self-termination were already there. And these seeds were nurtured into maturity. For just one example, I'm thinking of the anti-Tutsi hate radio playing non-stop in Rwanda just before the genocide.

Violent, misogynistic hip-hop radio is playing anti-BW messages non-stop in Black residential areas. And has been playing such messages for several decades now. The minstrel show network, Black Exploitation Television, has also made its contribution toward Black self-termination for decades.

The Black residential areas in the US are in the early stages of a Rwanda, Congo-type meltdown. Similar to the Congo, Black residential areas in the US are becoming giant rape camps where previously unheard-of atrocities are taking place.

I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything. I'm simply explaining the information underlying the conclusions that I've drawn. People are free to receive the information however they wish.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Anonymous said...

And might I add, the efforts of the mainstream media in depicting black women in the most negative stereotypical way (when they bother to mention us at all) or ignoring us all together (the disappeared ones). They are as culpable in our destruction as the black male destroyers.

Signed,
Stealthkitty

foreverloyal said...

No words at the moment.