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Friday, April 4, 2008

WTF!




i listened to the podcast with Gina from what about our daughters? & Shecodes from black women vote! last night.


i have a painful confession to make... i wish i hadn't.


since that spectacle i have felt so sad and wounded. to my very soul. it was my goal and plan to get up today and shake it off. i have not been able to do that, in truth...just yet. i will tell you why.


i like most black women have been conditioned to believe that black men had our backs. despite the bad ones that most of us encounter, as children, before we even leave our house. through it all, i have been able to still love black men. in fact, i have always been acutely aware of how black men must feel in their journeys with all of the pressures of excelling despite the white supremacy/racism, injustice, and odds. it has been my joy to show love, smile, and encourage them in their journeys; whether i knew them or not. in many ways it felt like my God given purpose, responsibility and pleasure.


i have long held the belief that there is nothing like a black man on the planet. i have always appreciated all black men. i have without apology always had a special affinity for those that were black, black, gloriously nappy, dominant, strong, beautiful black.


last night's call took something from me.


despite living in los angeles and seeing, first hand, that most men that look like me can't see me or those like me when blonde/brunette/redhead becky, lolita, ping, or what are you mixed with? enters the room; nevertheless, i have been able to hold the love i feel for black men. i have been able to have compassion for the white is right/non black women supreme message they are bombarded with all day every day. additionally, i think that love has allowed me to exercise options in the man arena. don't trip, i have had lonely nights, though. be clear, my lonely nights have been born of standards. for sure, having a man---all colors---has never been a problem for me. i just always loved black men more.


even as i write, know that i have been blessed to have a black man as my man, like the one that i just described for which i have a great affinity. i am no doubt blessed. even so, something inside of me has shifted. in all honesty it has been shifting for awhile. i fully understand that we are only as strong as our collective. my commitment to black women and children has been strengthened; even as the podcast last night accelerated the internal shift.


i am deeply hurt which turns to outrage to know that for centuries white men have called us whores, bitches, wenches and mocked the very humanity of black women for the whole world to see and ignorantly & lustfully join in. while simultaneously emasculating (literally in quite a few instances) black men. the realization that now, with options and more rights & freedoms than black men in this country have ever known---black men now delight (it seems) in calling us bitches, hos, jump offs, baby mamas (we are good for sex and carrying babies just not wives), pshots, and every other type of denigrating, degrading, debasing, dehumanizing name black men can come up with. it seems becoming indignant at the lack of impunity is the only stance that can be taken. before you ask who is raising these men let me answer---in most instances women that have no idea what the love of a man should feel like! black men are not just abandoning their sons! additionally, black women, too, are getting the same white is right and non black supreme messages all day every day! those that don't agree with this consistent public/private practice of denigrating, debasing and disrespecting black women disagree, for the most part---very privately and quietly!


the naacp trotted out a black woman and a black man to defend their indefensible position on the support of the armed rapists/torturers of a black woman and her manchild. the naacp black woman played the role of the good cop--- she readily admitted she was not making excuses for the media event/position that took place. the naacp black man, who in his right mind would most definitely understand the importance of protecting black women and children; had no problem being abrasive, condescending, dismissive, and overall offensive with the well behaved women that engaged him. black women have been so socialized/conditioned that we actually apologize! for feeling angry with being rendered less than human.


i am most saddened by the fact that i have lived to see the day when the greatest enemy against black women is---black men. this truth has pricked me to my soul. it has rendered me non-productive today. i am conscious of the black women that have stood on the frontlines with black men to secure rights and freedoms only to be rewarded with this treason, disrespect, and in more cases than hits the news---bodily harm and murder. as black women, collectively, we sustain all of this while watching black men worship at the altar of white feminity in their quest to be like white men. as white men switch their worship to the asian woman where do you think the white-like black man stands? try in agreement.


the reality has been pricking my soul for awhile. last night penetrated and made it impossible to ignore that black men have joined (in large, highly visible, very vocal numbers) with white men in declaring black women and children as the throw aways of society. the same black men that will shred a black woman that dares to stand and speak out will not use their voice to adjust black men that are functioning as the enemy to the black collective.


if you destroy the hearts, souls, and minds of the women and children of a society---you have destroyed in fact that people. wise, men of God, know this. for this reason, self respecting men die to protect their women and children. in doing so they also garner...respect. it really is all related!


i have to be silent until i can speak/write with clarity. i understand that words are powerful and i hold myself responsible to build up not tear down.


all black folks would do well, in the interim to study the history of argentina. we are well on our way folks...


SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT

36 comments:

Khadija said...

FocusedPurpose:

I'm not sure what to say except that I hope you're able to shake this off relatively soon. I know from my own experience that it's easier said than done. Cherished beliefs die painful deaths. There is grief. There are the stages of grief. It takes time & effort to regain one's balance.

I know that you'll regain your footing. And you'll probably accomplish this much quicker than the amount of time it took me.

You are describing the vertigo, spiritual nausea & loss that I felt when it finally sunk in that "no one hates Black women as much as [some] Black men" as a sister named Kola Boof proclaimed.

Know that our people will continue. Just not in exactly the same form & configurations that we were raised to expect. Nor the same configurations that previously described our people. Nevertheless, we will continue.

Peace, blessings & hugs, sis.

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija-

sis, today has been tough. it is hard for me to let go of something when i don't feel like it has been thoroughly addressed.

today is just a rough day. in my journey i have given myself permission to be soft, feminine, and not so black woman strong---which in many instances makes being in touch with how one feels impossible.

so today, has challenged me and given me pause to stop, think, and reevaluate. i have been here before so the good news is, i know it won't kill nor defeat me:-)

thank you for being so sweet. know that i fully realize that wounds come with the warrior territory.

last night on the call, one of the very few gentlemen present indicated that he felt scared for black women. i said then and mean it even more now---we have survived worse. we will conquer this as well. today, additionally, i feel a little afraid for those black men that are taking their time declaring sides.

i want to be angry and sin not. i hate apologizing:-) that is today. tomorrow is a new one.

thanks again for your sweet encouragement. i am not falling apart. i just lost a little faith. emphasis on little. i'll come back in multiples of ten if my past informs my future.

blessings, hugs and appreciation,
focusedpurpose

Khadija said...

FP:

You are very welcome! [You have no idea how many times your words have encouraged me *Smile*]

Oh yes...I also long ago gave myself permission to be as soft & feminine as I wanna be. At some point I realized that the celebrated strength of "strong Black women" is mostly hard & brittle.

Things that are hard & brittle tend to also be dead [inside & out]. Living, growing things tend to be supple. I'm fond of the martial arts phrase I've heard---"agility before strength."

Peace.

black | woman | unhinged said...

damn FP, I'm going to go listen to it now...

Anonymous said...

Like Kola Boof says - we have to raise a new black man (son). Mothers, teach your sons to respect you and all black females. Mothers are our first teachers. For the most part, I feel betrayed not only by these men, but by the women that raised them. How could they stand by and let this type of behaviour and thinking grow in the minds of the sons? Again, I say that the mothers betrayed upcoming generations of black women.

tasha212 said...

Focusedpurpose,

As you know, I listend to the podcast last night and could not believe the outright lies that were perpetrated on air. I was disheartened after listening to the show. White supremacy has a new face: the black man who sets out to destroy the black woman and the black women who are implicit in our destruction. I thought the lady who is over the florida branch of the naacp is a spineless leader for not feeling powerful enough to do what she knew was right.

I'm sorry that listening to the show damaged your faith in black men. The events over the last several months has damaged my faith in the brothas, as far as their desire and willingness to stand up for and protect black women. Some of us have a deep and abiding love for black men that when it is tampered with or damaged in some way, it causes us to lose balance. Know that my support goes out to you.

As for the conversation that took place after the naacp members left, I had a few issues with that too. Like the talk of organizing campaigns that for black folksto run for office. I think that the problem with believing that u can change the system from within is that the system usually ends up changing the person. At its very basis, the American system is racist and sexist. So, I can't see having a black politician in office as being beneficial to the masses of blck people. The main reason why I vote is because people died for me to have that right. I do however believe that the idea to organize new organizations grounded in new principles of organizing is great, as long as we don't repeat the mistakes of the past. What did you think about this part of the podcast?

focusedpurpose said...

Anonymous-

i can agree that women must raise their children decidedly differently. we are in agreement on that without a doubt.

i would go even further and say that black women should refuse to HAVE children with males that do not stand with them, support them, provide for them, and help raise the babies.

i have a problem with your statement only in that it is not balanced. an awful imbalance exists in the black community. not only are black sons being deserted but black daughters as well by black fathers. these are the "mothers" we are talking about. so your assertion reads like it is the fault of black women that they have not been able to successfully birth, nurture, raise, provide for, and teach black males how to be men---by themselves. we are not even addressing the fact that these women must also teach their daughters what the love of a man should be like and how to discern those that would only use them for sex. i am overwhelmed just writing this...

at some point, black men will have to step up to the plate and own some of the responsibility. at another point black women will need to free themselves from all the burdens that everyone will happily and wrongly assign to them and that they assign to themselves.

it is by divine purpose that a woman cannot get pregnant by herself. parenting was never meant to be a solo gig. slavery, murphy brown, and "i don't need a man" lies don't change this fact.

again, at this point, my message is no longer about black men. i have to figure out a way to reach black women and girls. we MUST re-claim our power and dignity.

p.s. i know quite a few men that were raised in a complete different way than their choices indicate. at what point do we look to men to teach males how to be men? the future generations are the responsibilities of the men and the women. despite what you have been led to believe. all the other nations get this. it is not a luxury it is a necessity.

we haven't even begun to discuss the imbalance created by the refusal of black men to unite and support black women when black males are completely out of line. i don't want to rant right now. i am focused on being angry and sinning...not.

thanks for your feedback.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

BWU-

sis this too shall pass. it is just hard to keep the rose colored glasses on when wrong is so evidently wrong and yet people act as though there is right to be extracted.

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Tasha-

you are really sweet. thank you sis. know that i just had a really hard time with the whole episode. that mcinLIAR guy was such an abrasive, condescending, off putting ass that it was hard to believe that there was a salary big enough for him to come out the way he did.

at least the gutless sack of pus female made it clear that she was not there to try to act as if things were right. which is why i wanted to know what would be DONE for this woman and her child. what was being DONE to ensure the other armed rape/sodomy/ torture "practicers" were apprehended. when that was not discussed i literally checked out if you will.

so the negroes that centuries later cannot see that conformity doesn't work---i don't have patience anymore. sorry. one can create as many organizations as they want to; in the absence of self love, acceptance and self respect---guess what? expect a mess. and since black bloggers want to be "blogging while brown" instead of happily black from which all colors spring; i am not too optimistic. i discussed this last night during the call. which i know was off subject; i just tend to go off subject when the subject is off:-)

as long as we continue to build on a faulty foundation; we will always have foundational problems. black is not inferior, bad, or to be scorned. unless it is trying to find a leg to stand on for not protecting, esteeming, and providing for the safety and well being of black women and children in addition to black men.

i will probably get read about the brown blogging---i don't care. i live in l.a. that adjective is usually used in reference to hispanic people! black folks need to stop with the refusal to love themselves. when we tell ourselves that black is beautiful and BELIEVE it---it will be a new day! and not a moment sooner.

yes, the 21st century white supremacy is often times carried out by non white people. i have known that for awhile. it has penetrated my soul to have an occurence where i can no longer refuse to acknowledge that black men will do the most damage and indignantly demand impunity---while a great many more black men will be quiet as church mice. cowardice make me want to puke; especially when it comes from big black mandingo men! wtf!!! it would be for me to lie to say that it has not wounded my soul. and pissed me off. simultaneously.

it would be to lie by omission to not say that i will stand and move forward...powerfully. the message is clear. black women are the last defense. this won't change until we change it. my ancestors encourage me greatly. this is nothing new. black women have been here before dealing with cowardly men...from Asantewa to Ida B Wells-Barnett to us.

blessings Tasha:-)
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

I am speaking from observation now; I personally know black women raised in a two parent households who grew up to marry the type of spineless black men who hate black women and who produce sons who hate black women. Now, these women had the "love" of a black man, who should have showed them what it is like to be loved by a man, etc. - yet, they produce the same type of spineless coward we are talking about today. So it's not just the single moms here; it's all women who will let black men disrespect them and their gender; who won't jerk them back in line when they step out of line. This is whatI am speaking about. You don't have to have had a father or male figure around to have self respect. It's about having self respect.

focusedpurpose said...

hi Anonymous:-)

you will never hear me argue when anyone says that black women---black people even should have self respect.

in fact, i believe that black people are continuing to suffer more than we have to because we steadfastly refuse to have self love, self acceptance & self respect, collectively.

so i grew up in a house that was not perfect. however, it was one in which my mother told me the truth from day one. i grew up with brothers in the NOI and the whole nine.

despite this, i have a brother that chases reject white women RELENTLESSLY. (which is what brothers end up with-rejects---these rejects seem to look a little better the more money the brother has; rejects nevertheless)
this self defeating, stereotypical (i am starting to think birth of a nation was onto something!) behavior is NOT my mother's fault.

in fact past a certain age (15) i believe i was taught---your decisions are YOUR decisions; male and female. it is the responsibility of the PARENTS to teach the children the difference between right and wrong. it is the child's responsibility to act according to the teaching. everyone has a job to do in the family equation.

now, i have said this before and i will say it again. if a black woman is lying in the street dying of cold blooded murder, people will find out a way to not care in addition to make her murder her fault. ESPECIALLY if the black woman murderer is a black man. murder will be the murder victim's fault as well as the murderer's MOTHER'S fault. the black men that contributed to the mess will not be mentioned much less held accountable.

i understand what you are saying. i, too, know black women that seem to have "daddy issues" despite having a daddy. i have often sat and tried to figure that business out. i always felt like black women seemed to be so happy to have a "man" it didn't matter how unmanly the man is. i haven't been able to figure out what the deal is...

...i will say can you even imagine what life will be like when these daughters that are bombarded with every hurtful word and image AS WELL as being deemed unattractive, undesired, unloveable, and the list unfortunately goes on and on and on grow up?...

...when these girls are old enough to procreate and attempt to parent?...OMG!

Anon, also attempt to wrap your brain around the understanding that black women have been taught that they are to be with black men. period. many black women as well as black men believe that no one else wants or will love black women. so in many cases black women seem to feel "lucky" to have a man. as a matter of fact, you can be a really accomplished black woman and get shut down with "where's your man?"

as a result it appears there has been a trade off between decent qualities and black skin. the objective was to have a black man. there has not been enough emphasis placed on decency, love and respect. i WILL be apart of that paradgm shift:-)

out of curiosity, why is it not the fault of dad (as i indulge the blame game) if he obviously did a poor job of instilling the virtues of manhood in the black man?

speaking from experience as the mother of a fifteen year old black manchild; my husband has played a big role. when my son hit 13 he decided that he knew everything. in fact, he began most exchanges with "i know":-) testing me since he was taller than the refrigerator, oh boy...

it's a long story:-) my husband has taught him how to drive and manage himself like a respectable man. i have reinforced the teaching. my son has been vocal that he can't hear from me what he readily accepts from my husband. women do NOT teach men how to be men. it can be done, there are exceptions to every rule; however they are just that...exceptions.

women teach women how to be decent women. it has been rebellion that has caused me to not be the catering, self sacrificng, doormat of the women before me that i saw. women that catered to everything the men wanted as they were repaid with children by other women and the presence of other women consistently in their relationships. there was a term for these relationships and children. i have long since forgotten it, thank God:-) i am in the first relationship i have ever seen where the man and the woman spoils each other.

i WILL do my part to impact the lives of my sisters and daughters coming after me.

thanks for engaging me.

i welcome your feedback. today is a new sunshiney day for me:-)

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Ana said...

FocusedPurpose:
Mr. McIntire was horrible, he showed plain disdain to the plight of the black victim.

The rush to defend black criminals because the judicial system is unfair is absurd.Sharpton and the NAACP have lost their way. My priorities are not to defend criminals.

Regarding the brown bloggers nonsense,there is an agenda by many blacks to remove themselves from the black collective in many ways.I think it comes from some black folks looking at their skin in those idiotic moments and saying that they are not really black. The brown foolishness is a result of self hatred.

Sister, keep strong,and may the ancestral and heavenly spiritual world protect and guide you.God is on our side.

Saludos.

Anonymous said...

I am not assigning blame; I am simply trying to come up with a solution to the problem. The simple fact of the matter is that black men have fallen down on and are not doing their jobs as protector and provider for the family. Who is the child left with then - it is the black mother. And it has been this way for a long time. As a black woman, I am concerned about and care about other black women. I don't want to see the hurt by black men in the way that I have been hurt. If I had a son, I would teach him to respect me, himself, and black women; to love black. The black men aren't doing it. That just leaves us. As simple as that. Yes, these men are wrong for not doing their jobs; that leaves it for us to do. Just because they won't do it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be done. I don't know how I can make it any plainer than that.

Anonymous said...

And by the way, I have never and will never blame black women for being the victims of crime. I simply makes me sick to think that future generations of black women will have to suffer at the hands of these thoughtless, mean cowards. We have to let this foolishness die out in this generation and not let it go into the future. And if we don't teach our sons to respect us and other black women - then who will?

focusedpurpose said...

hi Ana-

sis, listening to Queen encourages me and strengthen my beliefs---OMG! i awoke today with so much sunshine, love and encouragement.

i realized that wounds are apart of the warrior's job descript:-) as long as they are not fatal...it is time to keep on keeping on. there are no options. i am in good company with this understanding.

thank you for your kind words of encouragement. to say that i appreciate you would be an understatement.

how you start is how you finish. that is how i write off the naacp and their house negroes and negresses. i am in agreement with Shecodes, they are dangerous. conscious black women are too. so let's get it on!

unfortunately black men feel like black women are supposed to lead. ok, that's fine too. we are going in the wrong direction and i know i have what it takes to turn this around. so i will do my part. if Queen Assata feels her part is small...

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Anon-

i have to do something really quickly. i will be back. thanks for your clarification:-)!

unitl then...

blessings,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

hi Anon-

everytime we teach our children a value---there is non-stop pollution coming from everywhere else. in fact, it harder to find a place of refuge---from the church to schoool to home in most instances.

black folks are consistently being devalued in our society. one must look and see that black folks- males- don't just disrespect the women and girls. they also demonstrate no respect for one another. the same ones that will drive by and blast a human of their reflection would never raise a gun in the interest of freedom. there is no self respect in the black collective period.

we are already seeing the fallout from women and girls attempting to do what God intended men and women to do together. so the solution will not be to continue to put all of the ownership on the backs of black women.

this trend won't die out. black women will have to kill it. this is why my focus is on black women and girls. black women that have realized their power and purpose will need to love themselves enough to help other black women and girls that need to learn these essential lessons. in the interest of balance and survival black men will need to stand up and help black men and boys undergo the same transformation.

black women must stop the cycle. no sex much less children with those that seek to abuse, disrespect, use and abandon them. period. even this only works when rape and brutality is not the modus operandi. if you look around though, it is becoming the case. so again, the solution can not just fall to black women.

i don't seek to lay blame. nor do i seek to saddle black women and girls with everyone else's responsibilities. balance is essential. the black collective is out of balance. we know the contributing factors to this fact; as you said it must be about solution.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

Each of us can only do what we can do. I agree that it "shouldn't" be just responsibility of the black women and girls. I agree 1000%. But what do you do when those who should be on doing their jobs of protecting and providing, simply won't do it? What do you do when a father is uninvolved in the nurturing of his child? What do you do when the father won't teach his children to respect black women? Then who will if they won't? When I was growing up, most black parents were strict disciplinarians. They would say that they would do anything to teach their kids right from wrong so that they wouldn't wind up in the hands of white folks (police, court, jails) whose only desire was to abuse and mistreat them. So again, if we don't treat our children to respect us and themselves, who will? The world - I don't think so. As you said, they are bombarded with negative and destructive images about black people each and every day. There has to be something there to act as a counter or a filter - if you will - something that will enable them to say, that what they are being spoonfed by the media is not reality - and they can dismiss it for what it truely is. We have to be on guard. It's not fair - it's not right - but we are all we have.

focusedpurpose said...

Anon-

it seems we are saying the same thing with different filters. our strength is in our differences:-)

i see what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly. we are not in disagreement.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

black | woman | unhinged said...

Okay. I listened to the podcast. The NAACP and it's representatives don't surprise me at all. They are so anti-BW. His blasé attitude toward the victims of Dunbar was striking. Isn't every case a personal issue? I don't understand the distinction he was attempting to make.

focusedpurpose said...

BWU-

not trying to be funny; i went back to history and got over it. how you start is how you finish...if being pro-black gets you bounced as it did with DuBois back in the day, time is wasted to be upset with more of the same, at this point.

i am over it! moving on...powerfully!

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

sevenofnine said...

Hi Focused,

I came across your blog last night and was touched by your heartfelt feelings. I understood you to say in a moment of rage and frustration that Black men "have joined (in large, highly visible, very vocal numbers) with white men in declaring black women and children as the throw aways of society. the same black men that will shred a black woman that dares to stand and speak out"

I did not hear the podcast that brought about your feelings, but, I believe it was about Gina from the blog 'What About Our Daughters' taking Al Sharpton and the NAACP to task about their lack of interest, or half hearted approach to the horrific Dunbar Village rape case! For weeks and months, it pained me that Gina was (justly or unjustly) berating Rev. Sharpton in her blogs on this matter. You could almost say that she, was "shredding" Rev. Sharpton, who is a heroic figure in our community, and the NAACP as well. Perhaps when it came time for the podcast, the representatives of the NAACP responded in kind. Do you think this is what happened?

The reason I get upset in seeing Rev. Sharpton attacked by Black women, and as you say shredded, comes from the fact Sharpton fought heroically, and almost single handedly to defend TAWANA BRAWLEY. Tawana is the young girl of 15, who in 1987, was gang raped on a dark country road, in Wappinger Falls, NY, and was found in a plastic garbage bag with KKK written in excrement on her body! (We didn't have blogs on the internet then.)

The evidence pointed to the fact that Tawana was raped and that a New York State Ass't District Attorney, Stephen Pagones and his police buddies were the perpetrators along with others.
After the gang rape, when Tawana could still hardly speak, she told her mother two words, when she came to visit her in the hospital, the two words were: WHITE COP!

Of course, there was a coverup designed to protect the officers of the law who committed this horrible crime, as horrible as what was done to Megan Williams, and an improperly constituted grand jury declared that Tawana (our sister) was lying!

Sharpton took a public relations beating, and had to pay restitution of $25,000 or more to Mr. Pagones, for defaming his character. Attorney Alton Maddox lost his license to practice law in New York State for supporting Tawana, but Maddox still insists to this day that he can prove Pagones was perpetrated this crime.

http://www.reinstatealtonmaddox.com/

The worst thing you can do to a rape victim/survivor, is to not believe her! Please review the facts and demand that for the sake of justice, our new Governor Patterson re-open Tawana's case.
Twenty years later, Tawana's perpetrators still have not been brought to justice.
A gang rape did occur, and Tawana did not rape herself!

Is there a way I can subscribe to your very excellent blog?

Best Wishes,

sevenofnine said...

Dear Focused,

I thought you and your readers might like to see what TAWANA BRAWLEY'S mother had to say about her daughter's rape ordeal.
Megan William's mother Carmen
helped convince a jury to convict her daughter's perpetrators,
(but alas they were not officers of the law as in Tawana's case.)

Ms. Brawley was interviewed by the NY Daily News on the 20th anniversary of her daughter's still unsolved gang rape. You can read about it here:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2007/11/18/2007-11-18_20_years_later_tawana_brawley_has_turned.html

The story includes a photo of a very young Rev. Al Sharpton standing by this 15yo survivor when almost no one else would.

Tawana is 35 now, and still has not received justice. Will you help Glenda Brawley obtain justice for her child?

I await your reply,

JaliliMaster said...

Anonymous said...
And by the way, I have never and will never blame black women for being the victims of crime. I simply makes me sick to think that future generations of black women will have to suffer at the hands of these thoughtless, mean cowards. We have to let this foolishness die out in this generation and not let it go into the future. And if we don't teach our sons to respect us and other black women - then who will?

------------------------
That is EXACTLY what u doing! This is becoming so ridiculous. It is because bw have been forced to play the role of father as well as mother that alot of the problems in the bc have exacerbated. Saying that bw should 'teach' their sons is pointless. Look at all these foolish rappers. Don't they always go on about 'they mammas', and how much they love them etc. Most black men make a distinction between 'my mother' and 'everyother black woman'. Behaviour is a choice. It is our actions. Black girls can see in their mothers how to be a good bw. Try as much as you may, bw CANNOT teach their sons how to be a 'good bm' as well as a 'good bm' would. There is a reason it takes two to make a child. You have drank the whole 'blame the bw' juice, and you can't even see it! Sad!

JaliliMaster said...

sevenofnine said...
Hi Focused,

I came across your blog last night and was touched by your heartfelt feelings. I understood you to say in a moment of rage and frustration that Black men "have joined (in large, highly visible, very vocal numbers) with white men in declaring black women and children as the throw aways of society. the same black men that will shred a black woman that dares to stand and speak out"

I did not hear the podcast that brought about your feelings, but, I believe it was about Gina from the blog 'What About Our Daughters' taking Al Sharpton and the NAACP to task about their lack of interest, or half hearted approach to the horrific Dunbar Village rape case! For weeks and months, it pained me that Gina was (justly or unjustly) berating Rev. Sharpton in her blogs on this matter. You could almost say that she, was "shredding" Rev. Sharpton, who is a heroic figure in our community, and the NAACP as well. Perhaps when it came time for the podcast, the representatives of the NAACP responded in kind. Do you think this is what happened?

The reason I get upset in seeing Rev. Sharpton attacked by Black women, and as you say shredded, comes from the fact Sharpton fought heroically, and almost single handedly to defend TAWANA BRAWLEY. Tawana is the young girl of 15, who in 1987, was gang raped on a dark country road, in Wappinger Falls, NY, and was found in a plastic garbage bag with KKK written in excrement on her body! (We didn't have blogs on the internet then.)

The evidence pointed to the fact that Tawana was raped and that a New York State Ass't District Attorney, Stephen Pagones and his police buddies were the perpetrators along with others.
After the gang rape, when Tawana could still hardly speak, she told her mother two words, when she came to visit her in the hospital, the two words were: WHITE COP!

Of course, there was a coverup designed to protect the officers of the law who committed this horrible crime, as horrible as what was done to Megan Williams, and an improperly constituted grand jury declared that Tawana (our sister) was lying!

Sharpton took a public relations beating, and had to pay restitution of $25,000 or more to Mr. Pagones, for defaming his character. Attorney Alton Maddox lost his license to practice law in New York State for supporting Tawana, but Maddox still insists to this day that he can prove Pagones was perpetrated this crime.

http://www.reinstatealtonmaddox.com/

The worst thing you can do to a rape victim/survivor, is to not believe her! Please review the facts and demand that for the sake of justice, our new Governor Patterson re-open Tawana's case.
Twenty years later, Tawana's perpetrators still have not been brought to justice.
A gang rape did occur, and Tawana did not rape herself!

Is there a way I can subscribe to your very excellent blog?

Best Wishes,

-----------------------

The same person who thinks Sharpton did not deserve the ire he received has the audacity to mention Brawley? Am I supposed to be more bothered by it because the alleged rapist was white?

The crime committed by these young men was horrendous, and it is obvious to me that had the Dunbar rapists been white, sharpton, as well as urself, would have had a very different reaction to it. And if the alleged rapists of Tawanna Brawley were black, we wouldn't even know she exists. Most of the physical danger bw AND children face is at the hand of bm. So I know why my priorities as a bw should lie when tackling all the ills that bw face today!

Anonymous said...

Dear jallimaster:

If you would actually go back and read my my posts you will see that I wrote that black women have no choice but to be teachers of their sons because the black father is simply not there or if he is there he simply doesn't care. And as a black woman, I am insulted that you think that black women cannot teach their children to respect other people. That is plain bull. And those rappers... I would wager that their mothers have the same mentality that they have.

sevenofnine said...

Dear Ms. Jalilimaster,

I am replying to your post. The crucial words here are WHITE COPS!

As a Black woman, you are aware of the fact that you can be mistreated and imprisoned by racist cops almost as easily as your brother.

The white cops who raped 15 yo Tawana Brawley did so, because they thought they could get away with it, and they have been able to up until now.

Reverend Al bravely stood up in our sisters defense and was slapped down for doing so.

Our Black elected officials, and groups like the NAACP, took the cowardly way out by agreeing that Tawana was lying.

Megan Williams was kidnapped and raped by POOR white people, including a POOR white woman. The perpetrators were convicted!

It's when the white cop, or the white judges son, or the white mayor's son or the white manager's son etc is involved, that a conviction is almost impossible to obtain under our system of "justice" in this country.

Knowing this, Black women in the past, would gather around the survivors of these crimes by rich people and hide them, keep them safe from future harm, and support them in their healing.

How can we support Tawana?

The records in the Brawley case have been sealed. As people of good will, in search truth we can demand they be opened.

This would be of great comfort to our sister!

Best Wishes,

focusedpurpose said...

hi Barry-

i am not ignoring you my new friend. i am in transition right now and a little- ok a lot- behind the eight ball thanks to my procrastination:-(

bear with me, i don't want to skate over a topic as crucial to black women/people as this.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

dIt is only when the perps are white that Rev. Sharpton seems to be concerned about the victim. Why is that? It makes me question his motive for getting involved in those type of cases versus helping black women who are the victims of crimes committed against them by black men. Why does he make the distinction? Why not fight for the victim of the Dunbar Village rape with the same tenacity that he fought for Tawana Brawley?

Anonymous said...

You all keep bringing up Kola Boof.

I live four miles from where her old publisher used to be and I interviewed her twice for Pacifica radio "Some of Us Are Brave" a few years ago. She showed me some incredibly powerful new books she was writing that I personally felt would go a long way in addressing the current plight of black women and girls in U.S. society. I'm telling you these books were FIIRRRRRE!

I'm like waiting for these books to come out then I did some checking.

Do you realize why there's been no new books available by her?

It's because her black publisher closed down and now she has to rely on the major NY publishers to put her books in print and guess what? Even having one of the top literary agents in the biz repping her, a white man at that!, she has to pay the price for standing up for black women.

Know what's worse?

There are like 15 African-American female editors at these publishing houses and they are the ones who decide whether Kola will be published or not. These sisters are top editors who don't have white bosses like Malaika Adero, Melody Guy, Janet Hill and Karen Thomas. They have nothing but power but they hate Kola Boof. They're not supporting her because she's 'too radical', 'too black', 'African not homegrown' 'Bin Laden' etc.

I even heard that sex novelist Zane (sp?) put out some hate for Kola and there was a major black writer who writes for Black Issues Book Review but got told "no" when she wanted to profile Kola Boof in Black Issues Book Review. Spelman College dis-invited Kola to speak there because they dont like her being topless on her books.

If you read Kolas autobiography then you read the part about black bookstores not wanting a topless African on their shelf but will put a black woman with blond hair on the shelf. I even called one store myself and they ask me --Why do you want to read that liar? She hates black Americans.

Can you believe it? These blacks in position to give us a voice are the ones doing everything to stop anyone who will speak up for black women unapologetically. They censor what kind of message we can receive but think its ok to ban Kola just because they don't like her. Damn the rest of us.

I wrote some letters to NPR asking them to have Kola Boof on but they said shes 'too provocative'. I wrote a letter to a black editor at Random House who is a man and said he loves Kola but he said his white female boss won't let him publish Kola Boof.

Funny how everybody in entertainment biz knows who Kola Boof is. Obviously shes famous if they all know who she is.

But I notice they want her stopped.

If Sojourner Truth was alive today she wouldn't have a prayer of being heard. Now that black men have gotten over its like "F" the rest of us.

I'm mad though at the sisters in publishing that do everything to silence the voices we need like Kola Boof and a few others.

They talk about the issues of black women in a polite sunny way but won't get into the meat of the issues like Kola does.

Whatever happened to Alice Walker? It's like her books have abandoned black women.

Anyway that's my rant. It's mostly black people that are afraid of Kola Boof and they're the ones working overtime to keep her from being heard. I'm only commenting because this board is the first time I've ever seen sisters mention her name with support. Dont even get started on how biracial people hate Kola Boof.

focusedpurpose said...

hi there Anonymous@ April 15, 2008 3:28 PM-

welcome if this is your first visit. welcome back if it is not, know you are always welcome:-)

are you familiar with mentacide? please read about it. this will help you understand what you are seeing in sleeping, brain dead black folks. hopefully with this understanding you will be better equipped to have compassion for them. there is still the responsibility to tell the truth and challenge their accepted programming. we all have that awesome, at times overwhelming, responsibility.

i, too, have chosen to respect the truth and tell it. truly it makes for a lot of heat. Queen Boof understands this i am sure. it is par for the course.

let us be very clear. i am all for black women and girls. i am not against black men. our survival as a people is contingent upon us all, black men, women and children, all being ok.

black men, collectively can be described as many things. black men as having "gotten over" not by any stretch of the imagination. we must not ever fall prey to seeing ourselves, our brothers, our sisters, our children through the eyes of our enemies. black men are not the enemy. white supremacy and mentacide is the enemy among other things.

i have encountered a lot of black women in the way of progress in addition to men. just as you chronicled here. if we started throwing those off the boat based on these types of experiences there would be no black people at all on the bus...and this my friend is the point. don't fall into that trap.

the truth cannot be buried; no matter how deep the hole. it will always come to light. Queen Kola Boof will be published. she may need to self publish. where there is a will there is a way. the gates of hell cannot prevail against the Kingdom of God. those of us standing in the light of truth constitute the kingdom.

thanks for stopping in. come back anytime.

blessings in abundance,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

to my last Anonymous friend, may i suggest that you check out:

http://www.akobenhouse.com/mentacide.htm

this goes into greater detail and points you in a direction for greater understanding.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

FocusedPurpose,

I have a problem with what you say.

First of all I never known even the angriest black female to be AGAINST black men. Who in the heck is against black men?

What I noticed all my life is that most of the black men were against black females in one way or the other. I noticed they indifferent to black womens lives and could care less about black children. Sisters like you always ready to coddle and defend them for not being there and not being interested. Call it Mentacide or whatever our people are steadily dying. That's what I noticed.

I happen to love black men and
spent my whole life supporting black men.

Its them that don't give two cents about sisters, loyalty and nothing else doesn't resolve around them getting ahead and getting away.

It's fine to be 'understanding',
Mentacide, cool, but don't snap at
me about what I owe black men while not a single one is thinking about what he owe me.

As for Kola Boof I think its damn sorry if women like you and me allow what happened to Zora Neale Hurston to happen to sisters like Kola. Do you realize Zora died a maid without ever knowing she would be so beloved decades later?

I'm so sick of the black women that speak up for us dying and not being appreciated while theyr alive. I'm so sick of their voices being banned by other blacks just like Zora was by snobby black newspapers and hateful black men back in the Renaissance. It's funny how nobody ever talks about the treatment she received and the dismissal she got while she alive.
It's even worse how we keep repeating the same cycle and claiming its normal just because we're used to it.

Mentacide is a real true condition. That's no doubt.

But it shouldnt be an excuse to do nothing and just let people keep giving us this street lit gangster book crap and ignore the artists that are really trying to represent a significant message. That's what I'm saying.

How can we ever rise up if all we aspire to be is underground?

I despise them black editors that put all this trash on the shelf but won't let us have a book by sisters that's really talking about something like Kola. I resent black women for not supporting Zora when she was alive and being ashamed of her because she was 'loud and country'.

I know Mentacide is true but I don't accept that as no excuse.

Period.

sevenofnine said...

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your efforts in behalf of our sister KOLA BOOF - aka Naima.

Queen Kola has a home at the African American Literary Book Club
www.aalbc.com, and sometimes moderates forums there, as part of their blog called Thumpers Corner.

Kam Williams, the much respected and esteemed critic for AALBC has called sister Kola's autobiography "DIARY OF A LOST GIRL,"
the best book of 2006!

One of the posters, Nafisa Goma,
who I believe lives out in California where you are,
reports that Kola was highly encouraged after meeting WINNIE MANDELA, and yes, the REV. AL SHARPTON, who also reached out to her!

You can read these posts, from January, 2008 here:

http://www.thumperscorner.com/discus/messages/1/33161.html


Please fill out your blogger profile. I'd like to find some way of working with you on this.

Barry

focusedpurpose said...

Anonymous and Barry-

welcome back.

Anonymous, we don't all have to agree:-) we must all remain focused and heading in the same direction. i think our direction is the same, sis. our strength is in our differences.

we both want liberty, justice, and peace in this life. we stand in agreement on this.

i don't think that anyone has ever told me that i "coddle" black men. there is truly a first for everything!

i do understand that i have been responding on the fly and haven't really taken the time to go into great detail.

the purpose of mentioning mentacide is to give you a frame for the madness that you see. when in proper perspective you realize that the snare is to fall into blaming and hating other black folks. the same people that won't make on impolite peep against white folks--the cause and source of mentacide, the madness, and suffering we see---will rant viciously against black folks. we can't get better as long as this happens. i will start at the root of the problem. those scary negroes that won't do right on account of a job that they will lose anyways; shine light on them and keep moving forward powerfully..

i do understand that our thoughts are formed by experience(s). i must say to you that i have met black men just like the ones that you described. i have also met black men that defy those stereotypes at every turn. so i will not focus on the negative. it will only render me negative and defeated. i want to be positive, happy, healthy, and strong---that i might win. that is my choice that i will exercise. i urge you to consider it as well.

for this reason, i focus on those that hold all the power. the women. you cannot be used, abused and abandoned by the first type of man unless you volunteer to be. if you are a child then i release all wrath on his head without mercy. we must protect our babies. my message is to black women. we hold the chips and don't realize it because we are believing the lies.

at a certain point, it becomes about refusing to be volunteers. a lot of my sisters are volunteering.

Barry gave additional information for Queen Boof. i hope you find this encouraging. i will definitely be checking it out. i love her!

be encouraged by the fact that most find it difficult to recognize greatness when it is before them; from Jesus to Dr. King. so Queen Boof is in great company:-) also, one doesn't always see their fruit in this life. sometimes we plant seeds for those coming after us to enjoy the fruit.

Barry- thanks for sharing information!!!

blessings,
focusedpurpose

sevenofnine said...

My Sister,

Please forgive my long post, but I am responding to the original and insightful comparison of the life of KOLA BOOF with that of ZORA NEAL HURSTON, by Anonymous.

========================================================

"As for Kola Boof I think its damn sorry if women like you and me allow what happened to Zora Neale Hurston to happen to sisters like Kola. Do you realize Zora died a maid without ever knowing she would be so beloved decades later?

I'm so sick of the black women that speak up for us dying and not being appreciated while they're alive. I'm so sick of their voices being banned by other blacks just like Zora was by snobby black newspapers and hateful black men back in the Renaissance. It's funny how nobody ever talks about the treatment she received and the dismissal she got while she alive. It's even worse how we keep repeating the same cycle and claiming its normal just because we're used to it. "

=====================================================

Let's take a moment to review the facts. As I stated previously on April 10th:

I am a great fan of Kola, aka Naima Bint Harith, for a number
of reasons:

1) Her Arab father loved and married a Black woman and was ostracized for this.

2) She is from Khartoum, in the Sudan, where the boys and girls captured in Darfur are sent (even today,) to work as house servants and slaves, after their families were killed by the Janjaweed.

==============================================

Have you read the book SLAVE, by Mende Nazer? Mende tells of her experience being captured in the Nuba Mountains Black people, the Janjaweed, and being sold in Khartoum as a perpetual house servant w/o pay
ie., a slave! Mende was brought to Khartoum only a few years after Kola's parents were killed!

http://www.amazon.com/Slave-True-Story-Mende-Nazer/dp/1586483188/ref=ed_oe_p

Mende's interview with Michelle Burford can be found in Essence 01/08 on p. 106

===============================================

3) Kola Boof's father and mother were killed in front of her eyes for the sin of marrying each other,
and also for speaking out against the practice of slavery.

4) Kola, aka Naima, was sent to live with her paternal grandmother who forced her to under go the worst form of female genital mutilation - infundibulation! (Kola made a comment in her interviews with Kam Williams,
that Bin Laden who was very brutal with her, preferred infundibulated girls.)
http://reviews.aalbc.com/kola_boof.htm

5) Her grandmother ultimately rejected her because she was too Black!! and she was adopted by an African American family the Johnsons from Washington DC. (Mrs. Johnson was interviewed recently on Pacifica Radio)

6) Even though the Johnsons loved her very much, sent her to therapy for the trauma she suffered, and tried to give her a normal life, she broke their heart and ran away with a young man whom they had accused of statutory rape.

7) Like the video girls of today, Kola Boof appeared half dressed or without clothes in number of exotic movies filmed in exotic locations such as Morocco.

=========================================

In addition:

8) Queen Kola had to undergo one time gang rape (initiation) by the Sudanese rebels, under the leadership of John Durang, in the 1990's, if she wanted to join them in armed resistance against a government which enslaves thousands of Black people. She also went on diplomatic missions to obtain arms for the resistance.

9) Most recently, "The Juba, Sudan-based "SUDAN SENSITIZATION PEACE PROJECT (THE SSPP),
an organization devoted to sensitizing western blacks to the concerns of the genocide in Darfur,
and the probable secession of the South Sudanese government in 2011, ... has named KOLA BOOF
as National Chairwoman, reporting directly to (former) SPLM commander and Darfur politician Yahya Osman"
Yahya Osman is also Vice President of the Darfur Rehabilitation Project.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2008/1/prweb633681.htm

=====================================================

This is not to downplay the accomplishments of Zora Neal Hurston, only to say that Kola and Zora are / were different people. Wikipedia has an excellent and comprehensive summary of the life of Ms. Hurston including the newly discovered fact that she was born not Eatonville, Fla., but in Alabama!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zora_Neal_Hurston

As far as I'm concerned, Kola would still be a Queen, had she never written anything! I love her for outspokenness, as well as her life experience. You may have noticed that my reasons 1-9 for caring about Kola have nothing to do with literature. If everybody loved Kola for herself, as I do, there would be no problem with the publishers!

Anonymous, do you love Kola for herself?

Of course both Kola and Zora are / were great writers. I agree with so many others that Zora's masterpiece -
"Their Eyes Were Watching God"
is the best love story about Black people ever written!
Kola has also received many good reviews! N.Y. University Professor and writer Derrick Bell has called Boof "a brilliantly gifted writer", and the legendary Nigerian Scholar and critic Chinweizu in 2005 wrote a letter to Chinua Achebe and Toni Morrison heralded Boof as "Africa's most important new novelist".
Stephen Elliott, author of Happy Baby and Looking Forward to It, has said that Boof "writes like a singer" and The New York Times praised her work as, "earthy, angry and alluring." Of course,
Critic Kam Williams says Kola's autobiography, "The Diary of A Lost Girl," is the best book of 2006!

http://www.kolaboof.com/dangerous.htm
http://reviews.aalbc.com/kola_boof.htm

By the way, contrary to what Anonymous heard: "sex novelist Zane (sp?) put out some hate for Queen Kola " Kola's friend and biographer Nafisa _Goma informs us that:

"Kola Boof expects to enter a publishing collaboration with her friend, publishing tycoon ZANE in 2007 "

http://www.thumperscorner.com/discus/messages/11221/18664.html?1166636228

I am also happy to report that in spite of everything, Kola / Naima 's books are back in print.
Amazon once again has copies of THE DIARY OF A LOST GIRL, in stock, a new 2007 edition, which I am ordering right away!

I can't tell you why Alice Walker hasn't gotten behind Queen Kola, the way she did Zora.
I only know, from reading the biography by Evelyn C. White, that Ms. Walker was deeply hurt by the protests of Black people, who criticized her portrayals of Black men in THE COLOR PURPLE. The movie version was also picketed, (by the NAACP,) because Alice chose to employ director Steven Spielberg:
======================================================

"Like Ntozake Shange ("For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide" and Michele Wallace ("Black Macho and the Myth of the Superwoman") before her, Alice was upset and confounded by the attacks-against not only her art,
but also her integrity. How was it, she wondered, that she who'd helped bring the vote to exploited sharecroppers, who'd created curriculum for Head Start teachers, who'd funded a literary award at Tougaloo College had come to find herself vilified as a "deep-down hater of blacks"?
What was she to make of the fact that the first and only picket line she'd ever crossed was one organized by blacks protesting her movie-a movie for which she'd secured substantive positions for women and minorities?
And how was she to interpret the behavior of Hollywood NAACP director Willis Edwards, who,
after damning The Color Purple, then denounced the Academy for not honoring the movie with Oscars?
The contradiction brought to his attention, Edwards effectively shrugged.
But Alice could not shrug off the ordeal. "If the attacks against The Color Purple had happened earlier,
I would not have survived," she confided. "As an artist, you're really just opening up your veins and bleeding for people. To have your gift distorted and flung back into your face as `garbage' is traumatic!
At a younger age, I wouldn't have had the coping skills to continue to write." p.435

http://www.amazon.com/Alice-Walker-Evelyn-C-White/dp/0393328260/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208458635&sr=1-9

============================================

May I suggest that the best way to convince skeptical publishers to keep KOLA BOOF'S books in print,
and not let them die on the vine like Zora Neal's did, before being rediscovered by Alice Walker,
is for Black people, especially our sisters, to sing her praises and BUY HER BOOKS like I do!


Best Wishes,


Barry