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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

...moving forward...powerfully

it has been a minute since i last wrote...anything.

E, thank you for your patience with the piece i was to submit! i will get it to you this week without fail, sis. promise.

you know, sometimes when people think you are strong, they take liberties that have the ability to shake you to your core.

re-reading the words---all i can say is that these words don't fully convey the extent of the foundation shaking. this could be a good thing:-)

when i was younger, i would accompany my mother to the sets and watch the many people that create the fantasy we see on the small and big screens. there was something that struck me then that seems relevant now:

when the scene is set and the props arranged just so, as soon as the scene has been shot to satisfaction, other people rush out and move it all around. they take away some props and add others. i remember being in awe, considering how real it all felt at one point.

such is the case, it seems to me, in real life. sometimes, without the benefit of hearing it's a wrap, great job! and that bell like sound; the props (people and things) get re-arranged.

i find it unsettling.

i find it exceedingly difficult to function when i feel unsettled.

i deeply resent people deciding that i am "strong" enough to handle any old thing. especially, when my strength is a substitute for courage, accountability, integrity, strength of character, and responsibility to truthfully communicate; on their part.

this.makes.me.angry.

as i am learning to manage my temper, i am conscious of the need to be angry and quiet until i have a firm handle on my emotions. i have also noticed that some people seem to really believe that black women are built for trauma, disappointment, and heavy burdens. i wholeheartedly reject this and will to the very end!

having said that...and it feels so good to get it out...now let me say this...


i am fully committed to loving fully, giving freely, living well and moving forward... powerfully!



self love~self acceptance~self respect

11 comments:

sevenofnine said...

Welcome back sis!

I hope eventually, you will find a way to share with us what happened.

Heal and get well,

Barry

Khadija said...

Regarding everything you said: Damn Right!!!

Welcome back, sis. I've missed you.

Peace, blessings & solidarity.

Danielle said...

Welcome Back! I've been waiting to read more from you. I usually lurk, but I had to speak on this one.

BLKSeaGoat said...

Focused,

I have missed you so much! I am glad that you're back to blogging and I am sending good energy your way.

BTW,

Candidly, I have to say that I admire your strength because you indeed possess many of the qualities I'm striving to get.

I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing, but I also don't think that you're not allowed to vulnerable or unsettled at times.

Adversity can sometimes help to aument one's strength.

tasha212 said...

Focusedpurpose,

Welcome back sis! I missed you. You will be in my prayers as you go through the trials and tribulations that are part of this journey we call life.

Peace, blessings, and solidarity,

Tasha

Hagar's Daughter said...

You said: some people seem to really believe that black women are built for trauma, disappointment, and heavy burdens.

Please continue to reject this. Black women are human, not superheroes. We too deserve love, kindness, peace, respect, happiness...

Glad you're back. Go gently.

Ensayn1 said...

Glad to have you back Queen, nuff respect. Unforutnately the weak will heap negatives on those they view as strong. Our queens are NOT made for trauma, heavy burdens and dissapointments, but for loving, caring, and uplifting. Cause if mama ain't happy nobody is happy!

Bless up Queen!

focusedpurpose said...

hi Barry, Khadija, Danielle, BlkSeagoat,Tasha,Hagar's Daughter,and Ensayn 1-

thank you all so much for the love; it strengthens me. thank you all from the bottom of my heart. i cannot say it enough.

i was reading my daily meditation and came across this nugget:

"taking the time, daily, to recognize the spiritual force in everyone and everything that is all about us encourages us to feel humble, to feel awe. reflecting on our interconnections, our need for one and all to complete the universe, lessens whatever adversity we might feel as we struggle with our humanity.

our spiritual power is enhanced with each blessing we give. and as our spiritual power is enhanced, life's trials are fewer. our struggle to accept situations, conditions, and other people, or our struggle to control them, lessens every day that we recognize and revere one another's personhood, one another's existence."

i am a stubborn creature. sometimes this works for me. other times...not so much:-) so i continue to focus on letting go...

Barry, i think i will have an amazing testimony to share in due time. it will be a minute:-) though.

"go gently", Hagar's Daughter, my soul absorbed those wise words. i will go gently and at a pace where i can really take away my lessons in all of this. even now, i am thankful. until this point, i have been strong, idealistic, and a bit naive; among other things. going forward i know fully that i will be shrewd, wiser, and less likely to reason, empathize, compassion away those things that should register as red flags.

at the end of the day though, i am truly thankful. so again i say, thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.

blessings in abundance,
focusedpurpose

mrshadow33 said...

My beautiful Black Sister I would like to echo the sentiments of everyone and welcome you back. You have my positive thoughts and energies in wishing you nothing but the best.

Peace,love and happiness,

Mr.Shadow

SheCodes said...

Focused, I missed you too... I was about to put out an All Points Bulletin on you, LOL.

I'm glad that you got some rest, and when you said:

i am fully committed to loving fully, giving freely, living well and moving forward... powerfully!

my heart leaped.

Anonymous said...

I am late reading but trust that I know all too well the perils of others seeing bw as "strong". I too resent the ramifications of such manipulation.

Be well...

aya

::having password issues hence the anon post::