momma said...

momma said...

keep your grass cut, so you can see the snakes...among other priceless gems.  take no wooden nickels...fat meat is greasy...a hard head makes a soft behind.  really, i could go on and on.  she was chock full of such old school wisdom nuggets.  in retrospect, i wish i were wiser and better able to understand while she was here.  still working on that aspect of things.  still working to accept that things are as they should be...

it has been a year and ten days since you left Momma. 

you were my anchor.  my rock.  my everything.  i miss you dreadfully.  daily.  still trying to understand why/when we locked our sag and taurus horns...and more importantly, why we could never quite UNlock them.      

in the last year and ten days, it has been my task to remember to breathe, get back up...shake it off...and re-commit to moving forward...powerfully.  actually doing this has been more than a notion.  i had myself convinced that you would not leave until i had all that i needed from you...it seems that i still need you; yet you are not here.  i am wrestling with acceptance.  anger.  regret.  prayed long ago to never have occasion to look into the cold face of...regret.  yet, here i am.  should have been wiser than to declare 'never'.

i understand better now why we are not to seek out nor listen to soothsayers.  i did this once when very young.  not sure if i knew better or was being rebellious.  (which is equivalent to witchcraft according to Scriptures.)  nevertheless, time found me listening to a psychic/palm reader.  as clear as day, she informed me that the women in my family live a looong time.  i believed that...and treated things as though i had all the time in the world to address matters.  not so.

even in your departure, my first teacher and love---you continue to teach me.  in your passing on, you taught and continue to teach me to live intentionally and meaningfully.  all of my life you have encouraged me to write.  i will.  the journal you sent years ago has carried me through those days that were too dark to bother getting dressed.  the book you sent to me, years ago, has taught me in these days of tested to limits emotional discipline.  thank you.       

the image above you sent to me back in 2008.  my thoughts were in other places at that time, as seen here http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/03/power-of-tears.html  the image best captures my reflection for many a day in the last year.  as i have struggled to write this post---i really had to push myself.  when i sat to write on the anniversary of your passing, the love police felt safer.  after wrestling and your nudge here i am. you know, i feel your presence.  others as well. for a long time i have felt my ancestors' presence.  i am thankful.

one sentiment remains the same, through it all... i love you and always will Momma.  may you know only peace and His presence.  i am working to make sure that my good outweighs my bad...to be a part of the solution and not the problem...

Almighty awakened me after you left, in a mighty way.  i remember our last conversation and hold it in my heart.  please know that i get it...now more than ever.  i love you Momma.  i pray you rest peacefully...   

 
ONE Love~ ONE People~ ONE Mind...release heaven to earth...Matthew 6:9-13...ONE Voice, Now!