Saturday, March 8, 2008

internalized oppression = mental shackles

i have said it before, i will say it again. i love quotes. the universe knows this and quotes find me constantly as a result, i believe. the latest one to cross my path is easily one of my favorites---so far. it is by Earl Nightingale and reads as follows:

whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.”

this particular quote really resonates with me. in great part due to a recent experience that i had.

i, with purpose seek to put myself in all black environments. it causes me no worry or shame to freely admit that at times i feel just plain tired of seeing white folks. they are everywhere. EVERYWHERE! despite being the world minority- one has to try real hard to get away from them. they are on t.v., in the movies, in the white house, in Africa, in the newspaper, and even God is commonly depicted… as a white person. with all of this “integration”, you can even go to a black family reunion, soul food restaurant, poetry reading in the heart of the “hood” and presto!… there they are. usually trying to dominate the situation or tell someone else how they should think, feel, behave, refer to themselves, vote, etc.

i, personally, get tired---real tired--- after awhile. i am not trying to be politically correct here folks, just honest.

sometimes, i just wish they would all just go away; the closet kkkers, the good intentioned ones-puhleeze take your good intentions back to your neighborhood and talk to your people---not me- i get it already---those with well developed superiority complexes, the guilt ridden apologetic ones, the ones that want to touch me or my locks without invitation, wished they were black ones, the always wanted to grow locks how long will it take ones?---really--- all of them.

i get tired of having to help white folks back into regular human place (ever notice the superhuman entitled place most white folks want to occupy?), tired of working over-time to maintain my right to move freely and powerfully without concern for that person feeling “intimidated”, i don’t want to be appointed the spokesperson for all black people-i haven't met all black people, informed by the liars that they don’t see my color and therefore don’t consider me black, etc. etc. etc. i will stop there but i really could go on and on and on with the non-stop silliness that is a regular part of consciously dealing with white folks.

it all strikes me as extra and it quite frankly makes me tired and somewhat irritable. as a result, i am not offended when whites just want to be with themselves. in fact, i find it annoying when blacks are so upset by honest whites that will say it. i am annoyed because we refuse to acknowledge what a total validation of white supremacy it is to constantly beg to be in their presence, included in their institutions, and wishing to have our humanity acknowledged and validated by them; despite centuries of evidence that it is an exercise in futility. think about it. we don’t need white folks. they need us. they need our labor, our flavor, our possessions, our love and our adoration. meditate on this…

…if we kept all of our labor, flavor, possessions, love and adoration for ourselves-worldwide- all people of color would automatically have a different experience. think about it. for those black folks that have appointed yourselves to the committee to ensure fair treatment of white folks, please understand, i am NOT advocating inhumane, ungodly treatment of whites. (for whatever the reason, treating ourselves well resonates and registers as treating whites badly for quite a few black folks)

i know that i am weird. it seems to me that quite a few black people feel that white people are necessary in order for something to be good or “legitimate”. of course these black folks will never admit it in words, however, in deeds they are screaming this belief. just pay attention. look. see.

now that we are are on the same page; yes, i digress, i know. i was saying that i purposefully put myself in all black environments. especially since i don’t see myself in my neighborhood that often. please check out my Thanks to My King post for an explanation and know that we are working on re-locating to a warmer more colorful place really soon. really really soon.

i will spare you the details of what happens most times when i do encounter other blacks in my neighborhood. suffice it to say, they seem to want to be the only black one around and it makes me sad. nevertheless, i feel compelled to stay connected, active, and involved in the black community. in a recent experience, i was in an all black environment in a volunteer capacity.

in this environment, i was surprised and alarmed to notice the non-stop language of oppression. i will flip it in the interest of speaking blessings rather than curses. i believe that words are powerful and that we shall eat by the words of our mouths. for this reason i guard my mouth and am cautious, at all times, to speak blessings not curses.

as such, black people are not irresponsible. all black people are not always late. black people are not inherently disorganized. black people are capable of unity and able to work together to achieve their common goals. in black organizations white people are not necessary. human beings cannot "own" other human beings; they can only inhumanely, viciously, and violently enslave them, white people should definitely not hold key positions of power in black institutions-just as blacks don’t hold key positions of power in white organizations.

we must steadfastly refuse to accept and practice the language of oppression. words are powerful. once they leave our mouths and reside in the universe, the very universe itself shifts to manifest those words. refuse to allow anyone to speak oppression into your existence unchallenged.

we must learn quickly to emulate only those things that make sense and lead to the collective advancement of our people. we must accept that we are only as strong as our weakest link. right now, we are doing the opposite. we emulate quickly, expensively all that will be to our personal and collective detriment. we sell our group out, so a few can be prosperous; as if our blessings don't come from God. this is an enslaved mentality. God has abundant resources and made enough for everyone; despite all the lies to the contrary.

it seems to me that asserting our freedom; rather than waiting for it to be bestowed upon us, as well as insisting that our white brothers and sisters afford us the respect of fellow human beings would be the best course of action. instead of worshipping the violently greedy dominant few with the futile hopes that they will do anything other than niggardly share their criminally, inhumanely acquired wealth. additionally, we must make ourselves economically and politically strong; which will afford us the position to insist that our white sisters and brothers learn to behave humanely and peacefully share the world with the majority people.

our refusal to accept these truths and act accordingly, results in the national community laughing all the way to the bank at our expense and seeing it as corroboration of our historically "scientifically" proven intellectual inferiority.

if one does not respect themselves, no one else will respect them either. those of us that have been blessed with committed, connected, present parents learned this truth as children. those of us that were not, must learn this truth now and be thankful that it is better late than never.

only we can or will free ourselves from our internalized oppression. we must learn to love and trust each other, again. we must get back to being happy to see one another and respectfully addressing one another, working with one another and building our communities. a by-product of our internalized oppression is the violence that we see that we perpetrate against each other, daily. it is up to us to stop it. we must free ourselves from internalized oppression.

how can we bring back black love? what can each of us do daily? we have “relaxed” for forty years. do we agree it is time to take care of business? what can each of do to bring back black love? i make a point of speaking, sharing with, and helping as much as possible all black people that i see. i have trained myself to see me in them. when i get "crazy eyes"- i smile and keep on pushing; understanding that they have not yet been able to see themselves in me. what can/will you do? how will you make a change/difference?



Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

I couldnt be PC is i tried, and very well said. Its like paulo Freier said " oppression is inculcated, we learn and are taught to be oppressed

Anonymous said...

Focusedpurpose, you never cease to amaze and inspire me. From God's lips to your ears, to your blog. Once again,you have put your finger on the problem. I also hate the way some of us are so willing to act as if the centuries of oppression of black people didn't happen - so desperate are they to interact, intermarry, "be in the presence" of white people. Thanks for giving expression to what I have been feeling and am too inarticulate to vocalize. Thank you thank you thank you.

Miriam said...

Well, I know that it is taught that in order for the Hebrew slaves to get out of Egypt, they were made to have the Passover meal.


Because the passover meal consisted of consuming a ram,lamb, etc.

This was the god of the Egyptians. Basically, they were told, if you Hebrew slaves want to get out of Egypt completely, you have to first get out mentally and not be afraid of the Egyptians, not even of their gods.

I wonder what is the fear behind these actions -the insistance of white, the cursing each other out. If we can pinpoint what is that fear and do something with it...

trash it, eat it, stomp it. That may give the people hope that they can. That they are not beholden to any of it.

focusedpurpose said...

hi Torrance-

welcome back my friend.

why should we focus on being p.c? i didn't make that rule, see no benefit in it and refuse to abide by it.

"what you do for yourself depends on what you think of yourself. what you think/know of yourself depends on what you have been told." brought the issues of internalized oppression into perspective for me. i don't know who said it. i recognize the truth in it.

thanks for stopping in. i look forward to your next visit:-)


focusedpurpose said...

Anonymous welcome.

all Glory to God! in your inspiration i pray you feel empowered and moved to make a difference where you are. those of us that get it have to move forward powerfully and raise others to a place of consciousness and action.

those black people that refuse to acknowledge, respect or honor their history and ancestors have simply chosen to believe the lies/myths that they are not quite human. with closer scrutiny they seem ashamed of their blackness. they quite frankly would rather be anything except black. these people don't make me angry, they make me sad. imagine being stuck inside of something you hate? self loathing bondage...

notice, each day as more people's lives are touched by violence---there is a rush to get the survivors counselling. it is for this reason i will always speak about our need to heal ourselves.

so that we are clear, acknowledging our history in no way indicates that we should look for reasons to fail. i have met black people that seem to look for any reason to lose. slavery, racism, born in february---anything. everything. it all works for them. i disallow them to remain in my space. i am mindful that i become the company i keep.

our history should in my opinion be encouragement to strive, excel, and read EVERYTHING knowing that nothing will conquer us. action applied to this understanding is crucial. that is what i take away. that is what i urge everyone else to take away.

thanks for visiting Anonymous. thanks for your your kind words. i look forward to your next visit.


focusedpurpose said...

hi Miriam-


thanks for your insight.

one of the things that stands front and center in your response is the desire of the enslaved Hebrews to come out from among their oppressors. correct me if i am wrong, did not the Hebrews even while enslaved maintain their relationships with their Lord? their customs? i am certain there were some that were happily enslaved and content to stay where they were? (wes gone DIE out there!:-)

i think these are some of the things that have blacks-world wide-wandering around in the wilderness sustaining violent demonic oppression:

we worship white images. we don't want to come out from among our oppressors and their collaborators. we want desperately to be accepted by them! we will publicly denounce/degrade ourselves if it means personal profit, white acceptance, close proximity to white/white-like people, and the major coup is the intermarriage and procreating with white people. you have arrived then-complete pinnacle of success! despite all of the historical evidence that demonstrates that intermarriage/procreation won't save you when the sociopathic personality kicks into full gear.

i say this with all due respect. i am committed to telling the truth and shaming the devil. i have heard with my own ears, both males and females (black, hispanic, white, yellow) indicate that the prettiest black people are mixed with something else. quite a few black folks have digested this and believe it fully. hence the obsession in all black communities with white-like black folks. (colorism)

your comment was most interesting to me because it could be interpreted literally and carry a well made point. metaphorically wrapping my brain around your point reveals an abundance of other possibilities as well. thank you.

the greatest obtacle that the black nation faces as far as i can see---fear/lack/hatred of the truth and knowledge. my people perish for a lack of knowledge, Miriam. i am not talking about all that whitened junk most are going into great debt to get that reinforces self-hatred and commitment to enslavement. i mean true knowlege. if you don't know who you are how will you BE powerfully abundantly YOU?

i can see the truth and embrace it. even when it does not tell me something that i want to hear. i love the truth. we are friends. i don't paralyze when truth looks at me hard. i think most people do. in addition to being reasonably comfortable and not wanting to do anything to jeopardize that. in other words---lazy, complacent, inactive. as long as they are safe enough on the wrong side of the truth. now when it becomes their turn to be ravaged violently by the lie, that's a whole different oprah:-)

it is short sighted and reactionary to not see that in due time it will be your turn. "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

thank you for visiting Miriam. you are always welcome here. your perspective allows mine to grow. when it is all said and done, we have more in common than not. it would do us well to focus on these commonalities.

blessings in abundance!

T.I.C. said...

bkyxThe scriiptures teach us that "Death and Life are in the power of the tongue", so we can speak death into our lives or life into our lives with the words that proceed out of our mouth. Black men must step up. As Black men go, so goes the Black race. If we plant our seed anywhere other than in Black soil, we're really saying that we don't want to reproduce ourselves. If we are always talking negative about ourselves, desiring the images we see that don't look like us, aspiring to be anything other than Black, speaking foul about the women who are the mothers of our children forgetting that we are born of that very same woman, we won't progress to the level we need to in order to lead our people back to greatness. But once again I must reiterate what Yeshua/Jesus said, "not my will, but thy will be done". Until we turn our face back to the Creator, we'll continue to walk in the darkness of self hate. Until we understand who our real oppressor is, our Spiritual oppressor, the one who plants the seed of self hatred, self destruction, the Father of those Lies, and deceptions, we'll continue to be lost. Our hatred of self is deeper than the color of white folks skin, white folks words, the white folks world. Centuries ago our ancestors were told to stop with the Idol worshiping, they didn't listen back then and we're not listening today. We worship everything but the Creator. In fact we want to be an "American Idol". My dear Focusedpurpose, you are a seeker of Truth, and this is the truth.

Love and Respectcqdjvqm

focusedpurpose said...

hi T.I.C, i thought i had lost you:-) welcome back.

i recognize the truth when it presents itself. i really don't care who it comes from.

i have been saying for awhile that black men need to stand and be counted. courageously, powerfully, and immediately.

i want black women to know love. however, i cannot support black people procreating themselves out of existence. i love black. i love humanity. there is another way i think.

T.I.C. let me epitomize my position with Scriptures:

Ephesians 6:10-12 "finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

who is the super power of the world? who feels compelled to police the world and enslave and oppress all for profit that they encounter? who rapes foreign lands of their natural resources to feed their greed and financial gain? what color are the dominant shot calling temples these "spirits" are housed in? who maintains this dominance through murder, mayhem, and non-stop propaganda and lies?

there is another Scripture that speaks to the crux of the problem. it can be used to shed light on the black slave traders in days of old and now--i just read of the slave trade in mauritania presently. this Scripture will shed light on why we see black men and women working mightily against black people presently. this Scripture further explains the willingness of other leaders to side with the powers that be against their own people. as we see repeatedly in third world nations. the dummy governments are working diligently against their people. it is:
Matthew 6:24- "no man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold the one, and despise the other. ye cannot serve God and mammon."

T.I.C. i am a christian and a woman of God. i do not hate anyone. if i were in charge of the universe tomorrow, peace would be the order of the day. i live my life by Scripture Matthew 7:12"therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."

if all people would sign on to this principle all of the other business would not be an issue. the refusal to abide in this law mandates the stock-piling of weaponry, fear, and the refusal to be truthful about anything.

i am not afraid to tell the truth and i am focused on black people because one can't save another until one saves themselves. look at our black community. do we have time to concern ourselves with others? we are sitting on the bottom. all over the world. even in Africa. i say no.

i agree the issues are much bigger than black and white. however, it is all related. life is a circle.

blessings in abundance to you my friend. i am glad that you came to visit, again. i look forward to your next one:-)

warm regards,

Miriam said...


I worry. I worry that you are categorically labelling all whites as bad.

While I admit that I do think most are bad, or at least have very inborn tendencies which I consider *bad* -but to categorically whitewash them all is somewhat disturbing.

There was actually a time when color or race was not the dividing line.

Even within Judaism -I mean the teachings, not the modern day white rabbi teachers- people are not divided by color. rather by spiritual inclination. Thus, not all whites are from the same spiritual inclination. Not all blacks are from the same spiritual inclination.

Anyway, I"m not out to change your mind, just to drop inputs if I can be helpful. But this concerns me.

I sense a smooth front but a storm wind behind it. Anger. bitterness?

In view of what BC is going through, you have every right to that -especially if that will fuel action. But I worry at how easy it is to just simply label all whites as the problem.

Miriam said...

The Hebrew slaves kept their name and some kept their customs. However, they did have fear. and longing. Fear of the Egyptians power -and they were truly powerful.

And longing to be accepted by the mainstream population.

Both were killed in the eating of the passover meal. How can even hope to be accepted once they shamelessly *devoured* the Egyptian god? And how can they fear his power when they done had it for breakfast?

Anyway, the point was that just as in this story, perhaps if the BC can pinpoint their fears and tackle it, they can proceed because both the fear and the need to be accepted will be gone.

focusedpurpose said...


welcome back.

i got your e-mail. i am formulating my thoughts. i actually give my words great thought. so if i sound intemperate know that i have given it great thought, research and made every effort to speak/write temperately:-)

"I worry. I worry that you are categorically labelling all whites as bad."

Miriam- you need not worry. if you read what i have written you would have to concede that i have acknowledged good intentioned white folks.

i have tried to be clear that i just don't want them telling me how wrong white supremacy, racism, religious persecution, etc. is. i simply want them to go talk to other white people; while i focus on talking to, writing to, and waking up black folks. charity and good works begin at home and travel abroad.

in fairness, i feel the same way with black men telling me what i should think, feel or do when they should be having these conversations with other black men.

for the record, i don't think all white people are bad. i don't think all black people are good. i sincerely believe that those that speak in extremes---always, never, etc. don't mind truth being a casualty in their message. few things are always, never, etc.

i urge you to accept that i will say exactly what i mean. no person can send my soul to eternal damnation so i have no reason to lie.

"There was actually a time when color or race was not the dividing line."

when was this? i have been unable to find a time when people were not focused on race where there were different races together. i want to be wrong. if you can point me in the direction of corroborating evidence i will definitely devour it. in the interim, as black people---especially americans--- it has always been an issue. i am interested to deal with things for how they are. lasting change is only possible where there is an honest evaluation of the problem.

"I sense a smooth front but a storm wind behind it. Anger. bitterness?"

again, i am not afraid to speak the truth as i see it. i don't feel compelled to "front" or pretend. it strikes me as a carnal waste of time. you may feel my passion and commitment to change. i think you see in me the same anger that you see in Jews at the annihilation of six million Jews. i feel that and then some for the one hundred million+ Africans that perished during the middle passage. for the millions of African descendents and Africans that continue to fall victim to the genocidal agendas of europeans and americans. don't you?

i don't apologize for caring for humanity. i think it healthy to want the survival and prosperity of my people. i am careful not to indulge anger for too long. i am not bitter. thank God that seed was never planted and never took root within my spirit.

i understand the importance of forgiveness. it is a selfish act. i could not enjoy my life if i succumbed to anger and bitterness. on a superficial note, hosting those spirits don't do a lot for one's looks:-)

"for those black folks that have appointed yourselves to the committee to ensure fair treatment of white folks, please understand, i am NOT advocating inhumane, ungodly treatment of whites. (for whatever the reason, treating ourselves well resonates and registers as treating whites badly for quite a few black folks)"

my words--- i mean them with all that i am. they seem pretty clear to me, Miriam.

if you are looking for hatred or hypocrisy in my words, you won't find it. my message is born of love. i love black people and want to see us healthy, whole, and prosperous all over the world. our very survival is at stake. life/survival is not promised to any woman or man. it is ensured by the actions they apply to their philosophy(ies).

self preservation is the first law of nature.

hope that helps you stand in the light of understanding. please read the other comments as well.

blessings in abundance,

focusedpurpose said...

"The Hebrew slaves kept their name and some kept their customs."

by virtue of this assertion, understand that the enslavement of Hebrews in ancient Egypt differ greatly from the enslavement of Africans around the world. especially in america.

"Fear of the Egyptians power -and they were truly powerful.

And longing to be accepted by the mainstream population.

Both were killed in the eating of the passover meal."

Miriam- history does not support these statements. i respectfully disagree. Jews work diligently to assimilate and be accepted by whites. even now.

their failure to do so successfully and the fear of constantly being targeted for persecution was the basis for attaining a homeland for themselves. it gave birth to modern zionism and is the cause of the turmoil in palestine today. this land was violently secured with the help of the english and americans in '48 in an effort to avoid constant persecution in europe and other places. i would say that isn't working all that well either.

Miriam- why do you speak of the black community as "them" and "they"?

as a black woman what are your observations and possible solutions for the healing of the black community? we are they and them. or do you see yourself differently?


Miriam said...

Hi Focused:

I was talking about the Hebrew slaves of then --- not to be compared to the Jews of today.

This is what is written about them according to Jewish lore.

Yes, nowadays, the Jews need another salvation from the Edomite exile (just as they did from the Babylonian exile, and other exiles). Its a big controversy and debate there. Pull from both sides, etc.


re: they and them. I guess I can distance myself from it all and see things that way. Not that I don't know that I am part of it.

re: solution: well, I'm following along with the Black Women Vote thing. I hope that's the ticket. And I hope I can do my part.

Khadija said...


At the risk of sounding like I "wanna be starting somethin," let me ask a few questions:

*Seriously, I know from our other conversations that we can have a respectful exchange of thoughts--Smile*

You said that, "I want Black women to know love. However, I cannot support Black people procreating themselves out of existence." I used to feel the same way. However, I've had occasion to re-consider this, along with many other issues.

[1] Would you rather have Black women living in solitude & childless? Nature abhors a vacuum. This "Something New" sitation has only become a serious issue because so many Black men are missing in action from marriage & family life[for a variety of reasons] in terms of Black women.

Black men's absence from the institutions of legitimate marriage & family life [with Black women] has created an open space for others to occupy. If they started holding up their end of the Black love bargain, there wouldn't be any room for outsiders.

It's good to hear you say that you want Black love to return. But this problem won't be fixed by one-sided declarations of Black love from Black women. We've had decades of that already. It hasn't helped. Unless & until more Black men demonstrate that they want Black love BY THEIR ACTIONS, other arrangements need to be made.

I'm no longer comfortable with watching so many of my sisters wander the ruins of the Black community in involuntary solitude. Other arrangements need to be made.

[2] In terms of the slow-motion-genocide-by-lack-of-Black/Black procreation argument, we often confuse quantity with quality. I would rather have fewer Black folks who are healthier & saner than masses of dysfunctional adults living the baby-mamma lifestyle.

Numbers are important, but quality & organization count for more. Look at the Jews, & then look at us [African-Americans]. There are more African-Americans than the population of many countries! Masses of dysfunctional people only serve as liabilities & obstacles for the rest of us.


Khadija said...

*OOPS!!Sorry for any multiple post!*


focusedpurpose said...

Miriam hi again-

i want you to know that i appreciate your perspective. i have tried to make that abundantly clear.

thank you for engaging me. thank you for challenging me on those areas that you were not clear.

i do not delete comments for this reason. all thoughts shared respectfully are welcome here. i want us to end the politically correct silence. more than anything else. it is killing us. all of us. (i mean all human beings with that "all")

i, too, believe the work that Shecodes is doing is an invaluable effort toward solution and wholeheartedly support her.

additionally, i think it a part of my purpose to exercise my gift(s) as well. so that is what is seek to do.

i believe fully that you will be able to do your part to move black women in the right direction. i don't doubt it for a moment:-)


focusedpurpose said...


welcome. i am happy you paid me a visit:-)

i did the multiple post thing @ Shecodes house, too. still don't know how. no worries.

here's the thing...

...maybe this should be a blog, because i think i would ultimately end up writing a book on the subject.

so, let me do this. i haven't actually been to sleep yet. i just got in from hiking. it is 12:30 in the afternoon. so let me get some rest and come back to your question. it is a great one.
i will come back when i can do your question justice.

blessings to you!

Khadija said...

While you're resting, let me add the following before I wander off to do some errands:

[1] From what I can tell, most Black men don't have a problem with the status quo regarding the collapse of the Black family. In fact, there is vehement denial that there's a problem at all. Once I thought about this, it made sense----they generally don't see this as a problem because they benefit from the current situation!

It's fun having desperate women at your disposal. It artificially inflates your relationship market value if you're a guy. This leads me to Observation #2:

[2]Once I took a step back & looked at things without my previous "mantras", I was shocked at what I saw. Let me give just one example.

I was previously one of those women who smugly assured other sisters that "there are plenty of good Black men." I was comfortable, so I had no reason to question this particular mantra. You know the mantra that sisters recite: "I was raised by a good Black man, my husband, brother, etc. are good Black men, blah...blah..."

Then I took a fresh look at my male relatives. My Dad's generation of male relatives were generally good Black men. The male relatives in my age group and younger generally are NOT. 85% of my male relatives in my age group & younger are basically middle-class "players."

Most people are unprincipled & opportunistic. I wouldn't say that my male relatives are horribly mistreating the women in their lives [with 2 exceptions], but they also aren't the sort of men I would want to partner with anybody I cared about.

My male relatives are simply taking advantage of the imbalances in the Black community's relationship market. I have no reason to believe that this opportunistic behavior isn't being replicated in Black families throughout the country.


Sarah said...

I'm wow-ed by this article. You do include interesting facts about the subconscious mind and how it works. Hmm, do check out, they have a whole host of interesting and helpful articles. Also,maybe you can use some tips here.

focusedpurpose said...


welcome! thanks for your comment. i was not able to access the links that you provided nor am i familiar with the sites that you referenced. however, i would not be opposed to checking out more information. so if you get a chance---forward that information to me here or via e-mail. i am pretty open minded:-)

Khadija! your brilliant mind is refreshing to me. thanks for your patience...

...i am an idealistic optimist. i am also a realist that deals well with reality and truth. it doesn't paralyze nor shut me down...for long:-) i have practiced jumping into it.

your observations will garner neither argument nor disagreement from me. while i am unapologetically pro-black; i am not one to pretend or perpetuate lies also commonly known as myths.

i know you are new to my house. i urge you to read a few of my february posts and comments. "do we care to remember the time?", "Malcolm, you are sorely missed...", "Dear Dr. King" off the top of my head.

you will find that my love and commitment to the uplift of black women and girls is consistent. my desire to see the black community heal itself unwavering. i have not ever nor will i ever tell the demonic lie that it is the responsibility of black women do all the work for ourselves, children and men.

i am very clear that the black community is in shambles. i have not encountered black men that deny that there is a problem. i encounter the ones that want to commiserate and continue their rampage through as many women as will allow it (all races and nationalities). my position is the same as always. don't talk to me about the mess you see. do something about the mess you see. start with other black men, not me please.

i refuse to play patty cake with grown men as such those that are accustomed to being treated this way get away from me. quickly. they take as much of the message as they could stand with them.

my relentless, look you in the eye and tell you the truth approach doesn't allow for time wasting and game playing. i am not blown away by black skin, big muscles, nice smiles, smooth words, fancy cars/things, celebrity, and i recognize game when it is in my face.

make no mistake, i have earned my wisdom the hard way. if my dad walked up to me and starting talking today, i would not know him. i learned the hard way what "it" should look like, what it doesn't look like, what is acceptable and what is non- negotiably the end of the road. no amount of fear of loss of the relationship, at this point, would make me relax my non negotiable standards. with anyone. sisters need to get there. quickly. with any man they encounter. dating and marrying out won't change the need to learn, embrace, and live by this truth. men come with the same nonsense, i speak having dated interracially in the past. they will all try you. all of them. anyone that tells you otherwise or denies it---is lying.

for the record, i have really tried to be clear---black women and men need to get ourselves together. and that statement was made in the order of importance to me.

i am very comfortable and have a man that is what i refer to as shiny black:-) which happens to be my personal preference, uh, can you say yum:-) i must tell you, i have had to teach him how to treat me. good men don't just spring from the womb. they are trained and created just as self respecting, virtuous, respectable, regal women are trained and created.

do i think black women should sit around pining for black men to wake up and see what is obvious? NO! everyone has a job to do. just because black men are not doing their part doesn't mean we should do more. i have zero tolerance for sexism. in fact, i don't like any of the "isms" and don't feel obligated to politely indulge them. it doesn't matter who approaches me with nonsense. i have practiced rejecting it.

i am simply saying that while dating and marrying out may be a solution in the short term, it will be to our collective detriment in the long term. history bears witness to what i am saying. deracializing ourselves will come with a hefty penalty. this system of white supremacy is already in effect around the world. i think europeans and their descendants hold conventions to trade notes on the best way to oppress the world majority population:-)

i don't advocate having babies just because you want one. i know women that want babies that don't want to be parents as evidenced by how they treat the children. black men act like babies are this bad thing that happens to them for the most part. you think i don't call it out? in fact the young women that i talk to i encourage them to understand the purpose of sex and the consequences. i work to ensure that they understand that their babies are flowers and that it is a sin against God to treat them like weeds. brothers/men that demonstrate that they are infidels in relation to their children are very politely loved and prayed for from a long distance. get away from me!

forty something year old bachelors have made their choices. i would not for health reasons---both physical and emotional---suggest women invest time. these men are what i call "body snatchers" or "vampires" for the most part. they just camp out stringing you along. depending on the level of patience or long suffering the woman demonstrates; she could be a twenty two year "girlfriend". i know a few. l.a. actor boys are the worst for this nonsense. if they have locks. forget about it. go that route with the full knowledge that that's what you are doing with your time. i would avoid it at all costs, personally.

so...i will blog on the subject. i went to a poetry reading the other night and there was a brother there that was amazing. he is tall, dark and deep mentally. check him out on Black4Black, it is linked in my blogroll. i was embaressed to see the way the women bomb rushed him (dressed in shirt dresses and all the other attire that screams its is all about my body---as if all women aren't working with the same set of tools in varying sizes, shapes, etc) and i felt bad for him with his bewildered posture. he genuinely seemed bewildered. not the salivating posture a lot of men have.

as women, we must accept the fact that we are fully doing all that we can to "volunteer" to be misused. (these women were all colors on this brother btw). at a certain point we must retire our "victim" roles and powerfully, without asking permission re-claim our birthright(s).

i hope i addressed your questions and clarified my position.

blessings sis. welcome again. i look forward to your next visit.

wish i knew how to do something so all the scrolling to the bottom was necessary. i have to ask somebody:-)


Khadija said...

*I admire your witty writing voice. It reminds me of the pleasurable reading experiences I've had with Jill Nelson's books--I'll go back & read your earlier essays*

Not that we have to be, but we are more or less on the same page about the shambles in the Black community. And yes, Black women have bought into some really crazy, self-denigrating, & self-defeating behaviors.

I've watched these behaviors escalate over the past 25 years. First, I saw other young women giving up a level of care & concern to guys who were casual dates that should be reserved for serious boyfriends. [For example, I was always shocked to hear about my fellow college coeds cooking elaborate home made dinners for Negroes on their 1st dates, etc.]

Then I watched other young ladies treat boyfriends as if they were husbands. Then I watched more & more young ladies settle for "shacking" when what they really wanted was marriage. Finally, I've watched seemingly normal, accomplished [read: grown azz] women consistently engage in "groupie" behaviors.

I've tried reaching out to these confused women over the years. They seem not to want to comprehend that engaging in these behaviors reduces their own perceived value in men's eyes. And makes it worse [in the Black community] for other Black women who refuse to act like groupies.

As you said, everybody will test you to see what they can "get over" with. However, things have gotten so off-kilter & extreme in this regard in the Black community, that I feel more of us need to take a step back & regroup.

The same Black males that use & denigrate Black women typically would not function without the enabling support of Black women. "Becky Sue," "Susie Kwan," and "J-Lo" won't organize a protest march when Tyrone gets hit in the head by the police. They also won't start screaming hysterically about discrimination when he gets fired from his job.

The Black organizations that respond to these sorts of concerns [Operation PUSH, National Action Network, etc.] are filled with Black female footsoldiers. Collectively, Black men depend upon us for that sort of back-up.

It's long past time to cut the apron strings & only support people who support us.

*Sorry if this creates a multiple post---I'm not sure what's happening here with the comments*


focusedpurpose said...


all i can say is amen. and we cannot demand respect without change. we have to stop volunteering and writing passes for non-negotiable behavior and standards. power concedes nothing. we must free ourselves! i think we can do it.